PARASAILING WAS FUN!!!

I WONDER WHAT'S NEXT? ZIP LINING MAYBE???



Sunday, January 31, 2010

Last night, I went to a Par-tay!

warning!!  this post has an adult theme!



 My good friend, Tina sent me a message yesterday morning, inviting me to a party last night.  Just me, not John.  That was because it was an "Adult Toy Party".  John, supportive man that he is said, "GO! GO!!  Have fun!!  Buy stuff!"  What a great guy.  Only way it would have been better is if he had given me his credit card, but he didn't.

I have never been to a "sex toy party" before.  I must say, it was quite interesting!  The company was called Slumber Parties.  This gal has stuff there I had never seen or heard of before!  Now I'm no prude and I know about a lot of things, but I didn't know you could buy a "sex swing"  you can hang from the ceiling!!   I know for  a fact that I am too old for that!!  I get a stiff back from sleeping in one position for too long!  No way can I try anything funky in a swing I have to strap on to my arms and legs!

She had creams and oils and lotions and potions and spritzes, so you can be tighter, looser, slipperier, tastier (those things were just nasty! yuck!) ... almost anything you need to enhance your romance!

And the toys!!  Oh my!  The toys!!!  I'm not even sure I can describe these things without getting too graphic.  I might even blush, trying to write about them! Check out the section on Bedroom Accessories and you'll understand what I mean.  

I did purchase something called the Hot Heart Massager.  It's a gelled heart with a little metal disc inside.  Bend the disc and the stuff inside the heart has a chemical reaction and it gets hot!  I bought it for John to use on his hands and feet that are always cold from neuropathy from diabetes and the effects of chemo.  REALLY!!  That's what I got it for!

Oh!  I may have purchased something else too. :)

psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  And you can vote more than once!  As a matter of fact, you can vote once a day!  Last time I checked she was ranked #6!  Simply click here to go to the site.  And check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Six Word Saturday

 

Damn!!  It's friggin' cold out there! 


psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  And you can vote more than once!  As a matter of fact, you can vote once a day!  Last time I checked she was ranked #7!  Simply click here to go to the site.  And check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!



Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I"ll be lost without LOST!



So my OnDemand hasn't worked in nearly a year which really sucks because I gave up all my premium channels trying to lower my cable bill.  And then I found out I have to work Tuesday day and night, Wednesday day (my day off) and Thursday day and night.  Training new servers, so it's extra money and that's a good thing.


BUT I'm going to miss the season premiere of LOST because for some reason they put it on Tuesday instead of Wednesday like they have for the previous seasons!!!  


So today, I finally stopped procrastinating and called Comcast.  I got my bill lowered by about $30, got my premium channels back for at least the next 6 months, ordered a DVR and have the cable guy coming this Saturday to install it and I have John to sit here waiting for him while I work!


I'm pretty sure my OnDemand isn't working because I don't have my cable box hooked up correctly.  I miss OnDemand.  I like watching movies for free.  I did find out the cable guy comes here to do the install for $17 instead of the $50 or more I thought it would be.



My kids will be happy when they come home on college break because I have HBO, Showtime and Starz back and they can watch Dexter and Weeds and the other shows they enjoy.  


So, my problem is solved!  I'll have my DVR set up, ready to go.  I have a few days to figure out how it works.  I'll set it to record LOST each week (then I can watch The Biggest Loser... no having to decided what to see and what to miss!).  This way John can go to the Hobby Shop like he likes to do on Tuesdays and watch LOST on Fridays here at my house!


This is such a win win situation!  The only thing better is if I can get someone else to pay my cable/internet bill!


psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  And you can vote more than once!  As a matter of fact, you can vote once a day!  Last time I checked she was ranked #6!  Simply click here to go to the site.  And check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

a quick question

I have a quick question about replying to those who comment on my blog.  How do I go about commenting to a comment  via email?  Is there a place in my settings on Blogspot to do that?  If I click on a blogger's name in my comment area, it takes me to Outlook Express.  I've never used Outlook Express.  I'd rather comment via Comcast, my regular email ID.  Any help would be greatly appreciated!


psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  And you can vote more than once!  As a matter of fact, you can vote once a day!  Last time I checked she was ranked #6!  Simply click here to go to the site.  And check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!

Monday, January 25, 2010

just sayin'



Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. 


 

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'


The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. 


Again, there was no response.
 
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he re-focused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big green head.

 'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear!'




psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  Last time I checked she was ranked #6!  Simply click here to go to the site.  Check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!

And Heather gave me an award!  Look!  It's right below this blog post!


She likes me! Heather really likes me!



Heather, over at Welch Happenings, gave me this really cool award over the weekend!  Thank you Heather!!!  I love getting these because it makes me feel like people are really reading me and like what I say.

I'm supposed to pass this on to 15 people., but it's so hard to choose just 15 when I enjoy so many blogs!  So if you want this award, please feel free to take one for yourself.  You deserve it 


psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  Last time I checked she was ranked #7!  Simply click here to go to the site.  Check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!


Friday, January 22, 2010

the homework assignment



A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment...



 
 

 
After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:  
   
Dear Ms. Davis, 
I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint.  I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel. 

Mrs. Harrington



psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  Last time I checked she was ranked #19!  Simply click here to go to the site.  Check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Riddle Me This







Do you know why I'm doing a riddle tonight?  Because I can't think of a darn interesting thing to talk about!  So here it is:

MENACE

A menace, I creep
Silent and slow,
Obscuring your vision
And things that you know.

My blanket enfolds you,
But won't keep you warm.
You glimpse things familiar,
But I change their form.

By the sounds of the horn,
Know that danger is near;
By night or bright day,
It warns you to steer clear.

What am I?

as always, credit goes to Tower of the Riddle Master. 

psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  Last time I checked she was ranked #19!  Simply click here to go to the site.  Check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Mini Reunion Class of 1973!


Sitting: Maryanne, Ellen, Meg, Bernadette, Maria and me
Standing:  Marianne and Bonnie



Here are 8 women from Cardinal O'Hara's Class of 1973.  We are 8 out of just under 1,000.  Yes I said ONE THOUSAND!!!  We were right smack in the middle of the Baby Boomer generation and Catholic to boot!  It was unusual for a family to have less than 4 children.  I, myself, am one of 8 children.

Our school was co-ed, but boys and girls were separated, boys on one side of the school, girls on the other, until our senior year.  Even our cafeteria was divided, with lockers separating us.  Once a year, we had co-ed gym class when we all learned SQUARE DANCING!!  And we got to to see the boys, but we had to wear those awful awful bloomers to gym class!!!  Oh yuck!  hahahah!!!!



Anyway!  Last night the 8 of us met a local bar.  You would think no time had passed since we saw each other.  Marianne brought her yearbook, thank goodness, because some of us (me) needed to see a picture to identify one of the gals!  I didn't hang out with any of them outside of school, mostly because we all lived in different towns.  A few years after graduation, and after I got married, I moved away from the area.  Only 40 miles but it was enough to lose touch.  Some of the women have stayed in touch all these years.  Meg's sister, Eleanor was there also.  She's a few years younger than us.



I surprised one of the women, Ellen, when I admitted that I was so scared of her in high school because I thought she was really tough!  LOL!!!  And she's such a sweetheart and so nice!  

Meg still looks the same since first grade!  We've known each other for 48 years!!!  Meg, Margie, Olive Ann (I swear that's her real name) and me were always 1 and 2 in May Processions, Graduation and  First Communion because we were the smallest in the class.  I don't think any of us are taller than 5' maybe even now.


The weird thing was, the bar was playing all 70s music and it almost seemed like they did it on purpose, but I know they didn't!


Of course, we're getting to the age when we are losing some of our classmates.  The thing was, we talked about those who left us really young!  I can easily count 5 or 6 off the top of my head who passed on before the age of 40!! 


We have promised not to wait another 37 years to get together.  I hope we can plan another girls night out soon!  And maybe a few more faces will show up!


I'll be getting together with another group of women who went to grade school and high school together.  I'm hoping that materializes in the next couple of weeks.  Patty seems to be in charge of that reunion!


psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  Last time I checked she was ranked #24!  Simply click here to go to the site.  Check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!




Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts



It's Tuesday, and you know what that means, boys and girls!  It's time for Random Tuesday Thoughts!  Today we get to talk about all the crazy stuff that is knocking around in our brains, but not one thought is enough to make a blog post, so we get to put them all together!  Now doesn't that sound like fun?  You should try it!  Go on over to Neely's blog, grab the cute button, link up to her site and get random!!  Go on, we'll wait.





Do you know what I was doing, 3 years ago today?  Three years ago today, my very good friend, Tina and I were on a plane, winging our way to Fort Lauderdale, to board the Celebrity Cruise ship, Constellation.  We were on our way to the BEST VACATION EVER, our self-proclaimed Just Divorced Cruise!  Ten nights of laughing, drinking, soaking up rays, drinking, shopping, drinking, touring, drinking.  So so so fun!!!  sigh.  I need another one of those vacations.  Too bad I'm broke.


I have fun fun fun plans for tonight!  I'll be meeting up with a few friends from high school!  I haven't seen these ladies in 38 years!!!  (shut up, Garret.  I know you were 2 then)  Another friend from grade school/high school is also planning a get together.  I love Facebook!  Reconnecting with old friends is terrific!

Who else besides me is tired of winter?  I'm really beginning to hate cold and snow and heat bills.  Global warming my ass!


So John is very very very political.  Me?  Not so much.  OK, not at all.  He loves nothing more than discussing politics.  He dislikes Democrats and Republicans equally.  Too bad he hooked up with a broad who could care less.  The man is a die-hard Libertarian  When he starts up about politics, my eyes glaze over and I hear WAH WAH.  WAH WAH WAH  WAH.  (think the grown ups on the Peanuts cartoons)


Haiti.  Those poor folks.  I hope they get enough aid and soon.  My brother is part of a CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) group who is on standby to go and help.  John's son, who is in the Army, is also preparing to deploy for Haiti as part of a Peacekeeping Force.  Please keep them in your good thoughts.



I'm really hoping my day at work isn't like yesterday.  Yesterday,  I was making stupid little mistakes all day long.  And I was really bitchy.   Like I had a bad case of PMS, but I didn't have PMS.  Maybe I did... POST menstrual syndrome.  The good thing about that was, I was making sure everyone was doing their side work properly!  Ah, well... today is Danielle's (not my daughter) turn to be bitchy and stupid anyway.  I know because she told me, or warned me.


Well, I'm running out of random.  Cya!


psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  Last time I checked she was ranked #24!  Simply click here to go to the site.  Check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!



Monday, January 18, 2010

How To Give A Cat A Pill

How to Give a Cat A Pill







1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently  apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.   As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.  Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.   Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,  holding rear paws tightly with left hand.    Force jaws  open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.   Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of the
wardrobe.   Call spouse from garden. 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.    Ignore low growls  emitted by cat.    Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.







7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.    
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.    Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.







9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.    Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.    Get another pill.  Open another beer    Place cat in cupboard,  and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.    Force mouth open with dessert spoon.    Flick pill  down throat with elastic band. 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.    Drink beer.    Fetch bottle of  scotch.    Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to  cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.   Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.    Toss back another shot.    Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from  across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.    Take last pill  from foil wrap. 

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed.    Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.    Be rough about it.    Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints  of water down throat to wash pill down.








14. Consume remainder of scotch.    Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.    Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 

15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.
 

2. Toss it in the air.


Sunday, January 17, 2010

Update on John (good news!) Oh! and a plug for Vodka Mom

It's been a while since I did an update on John and how he's feeling.  It's been a while because he's feeling so good, there's not much to tell!  


I'm pretty sure I did a post about his last PET scan and how it came back NEGATIVE!  This was the first time in 2 years he had a follow-up and there was no cancer present .  

Here's a quick(ish) background for those of you who are newer to my blog and may not know of John's battle with cancer.  Please bear with me, seasoned readers!  I'll keep it as brief as possible!  :)  I'm posting a few pictures as well... at diagnosis, during chemo and after.


This was taken right after John was diagnosed.  
I can tell now that he doesn't look well.  
At the time I thought he looked pretty good.


In June 2007, John (my significant other)  was diagnosed with Large Diffuse B-Cell Lymphoma (the non-Hodgins variety).  The lymphoma was all on his left side... neck, chest, abdomen and pelvis, as well as a growth on his spine and his liver.  (the 2 growths were GONE after 2 treatments!)  We didn't know until after his chemo was over that he was in Stage 4 cancer.  Not so many years ago, that would have been a death sentence.  Now, with all the wonderful  advances they are making , this is not necessarily so.  It took several months to get all the testing and fun with insurance company out of the way so he could begin treatment.


John had 6 months of chemo treatment, 3 weeks apart, from October 2007 to February 2008.  He handled the chemo really well.  This is one tough old bird!!  In March, a CT scan showed he was in remission! His oncologist (a wonderful man!!!) said to come back in 6 months for CT scan and PET scan.


November 2008, John had his scans and it showed cancer present in his spleen  (it was in his abdomen, near his spleen before).  So in January 2009, they removed his spleen.  No chemo or radiation was needed.  A new scan showed him in remission for the second time.  His oncologist wanted to see him in 3 months, just in case.


April 2009, he gets scans and again, cancer is back!  This time in his groin (it was in his pelvis before... seems to jump).  His oncologist wanted him to see a specialist who deals with only Lymphoma.  He wanted to send him to Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia but his insurance said, "Oh no!  You can't go there! It's not part of our network" (I hate insurance companies)  So they send him to the The Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania ( aka Penn).  He sees the specialist and this woman is a genius!!!


She tells him that this kind of cancer likes to keep coming back and it's time to kill it once and for all.  She recommends a possibly dangerous treatment, that if it doesn't kill him, will surely kill the cancer. Three rounds of really high dose chemo and then a stem cell transplant.  The chemo will destroy his immune system and the stem cell transplant will build a brand new immune system.  She also tells him that if it kills the Lymphoma, in 10 to 20 years down the road, he could develop another kind of cancer from this treatment.  John says, "Let's do it."

More testing, this time to make sure his heart can handle the chemo and other tests and by June he's ready to go.    First round is in June 2009, 3 days of chemo, round the clock.  John handles it like it's nothing.  Amazing!

 
This is  John, after transplant, recovering at my house. 
Hard to believe he just had intense chemo and transplant a few weeks before!


Round 2 is in July 2009, 4 days of round the clock chemo.  Again, he's fine.  The end of July, John harvests his own stem cells (his bone marrow was still good, so he didn't need a donor... this is really good because no chance of rejection)  They told him he'd need to come in every morning for 3 or 4 days to harvest enough stem cells.  They needed 4 million cells.  Day one, John gave them 18 million cells!  Is this man great or what!!!


Mid-August, John goes in for his last round of chemo and the transplant.  He should be in for a month or more, depending on how his immune system rebuilds.  Again, he handles the chemo well.  He did toss his cookies one time, but it wasn't bad.  


On August 28, John received his transplant.  It was a BIG DEAL, yet it only took 5 minutes and was very anti-climatic.  This is his new birthday!  So now he has 2 birthdays, October 23 and August 28!  John had his transplant on Day 8 of his hospital stay (this is considered Day 0).  His blood count numbers are 0. He is in isolation now, but it's not as restrictive as the folks who need donor transplants.  Day 9 after transplant, his ANC number was 5.  Day 10 it was 50.  Day 11, it was 3050!!!  YOWZA!!!   John was released on Day 12 of his transplant, a mere 19 days after he was admitted.  He should have been in there for at least 2 more weeks!  John was released to go back to work on Sept 21 (my birthday).  It was 1 month to the day he entered the hospital for his transplant.
  

Boogying at my niece's wedding in October.  
John and my daughter, Gina doing The Twist!



Needless to say, John was the star patient on that Cancer Floor!  The record for going home after a stem cell transplant is 11 days.  John did it in 12.


In December 2009, John had a PET scan and, for the first time in 2 years, his scan showed up clear!  No sign of cancer present!  He goes back in March for his next PET scan.  We have our fingers crossed.

 
This was taken at Thanksgiving, 3 months after his transplant.  
He has even more hair now, but look how terrific he looks!!!


So, to present day, John is feeling well.  His hair has grown back, with a vengeance!  He's one of those hairy hairy Italian men with hair everywhere (except the crown of his head)!   A lot of people think that's gross... I like it!  I am never cold in the winter when I sleep!  :)  And every now and then, 30 year old John shows up! (more often all the time!)  hehehe!!


So keep your fingers crossed that John continues to have good scans and remains cancer free.  I kind of like having him around.  Besides, he's promised to someday, take me to Alaska and I'm holding him to it!


Something to add here.  Before we knew what to expect with John's cancer treatment, and not knowing how he'd respond to it, we both had that fear that John would die.  Once treatment started, we did our best to keep a positive attitude all the time.  It wasn't long before we thought not IF John beats cancer but WHEN John beats cancer.  Even when it came back twice, the thinking was "OK, let's get rid of it again and get on with our lives."   When John started the last round of chemo and transplant, even though the doctor said it was dangerous and it could kill him, I never once thought John would die as a result of the treatment.  I admit I was scared because we didn't know what to expect, but once it started and he had so few side effects, I KNEW he was going to be OK.  I'm telling you this right now, John Russo ain't gonna let a little thing like cancer beat him!  He's a lot tougher than that!  And he knows he has a whole lot of good to live for!

psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  Last time I checked she was ranked #35!  Simply click here to go to the site.  Check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!

Friday, January 15, 2010

63 Suggestions For Restaurant Customers

1. Never ignore a warm greeting from the host or any employee of the restaurant, even if you are just going to the bar.


2. Reciprocate a greeting with a greeting, not I need, I want, or silence.


3. Never blurt your name, the number in your party, and the time of your reservation in response to a warm welcome. Acknowledge the existence of a fellow human being.


4. Don’t think that holding up a specific number of fingers without saying anything is an appropriate response to a host’s greeting.


5. Don’t walk into a restaurant, point to a table and say, We’re just going to sit there, as you breeze by the hostess.


6. Don’t pound on the door before the restaurant opens. If the weather is nice, wait until the restaurant officially opens. If you are invited in early (out of bad weather, for example) as a courtesy, don’t start making demands. Good restaurants will graciously accommodate you while you wait.


7. Leave the chip on your shoulder, sour attitude, and nasty disposition at home. The staff really does want you to have an enjoyable evening.


8. Don’t throw a menu at the host and walk out yelling because there’s a long wait or you don’t like the menu or prices.


9. Don’t make a reservation for 6 and show up with a total of 4 and say, We just wanted lots of room.


10. Don’t glare at the host and ask, What are we supposed to do?, after she gives you clear dining options. I can seat you now at the bar, or I’ll have a table for you in twenty minutes is pretty clear.


11. Make a human connection with your server and the staff to acknowledge that you value them and the difficult job that they’re doing.


12. Remember that the customer has as almost as much responsibility for the success of the interaction and the experience as the staff does.


13. Never attempt the old; Do you know who I am? Anyone who is ignorant enough to try any variation on that question should have a trap door open under them and they should never be seen or heard from again.


14. Don’t expect or demand perfection. The world is not perfect, and neither are you.


15. Don’t be a name dropper to curry favor. No one really cares who you know or how important you think you are, especially when they’re in the weeds.


16. Some restaurants mandate that servers introduce themselves to their tables and some servers do it at their discretion. If a server introduces herself, skip the sarcastic, My name is Fred and I’ll be your customer…


17. Don’t be an (un)amusing douche. If you’re returning to a restaurant known for sending a complimentary taste (amuse-bouche) before your meal, don’t presume that they are going to do it every time, and don’t specify what you want for that little free thing. (Yes, there are people who actually ‘order’ their amuse-bouche.)


18. Don’t drop the; I’m in the industry line and expect the seas to part for you. (It defies logic, but some restaurant industry people can be the worst.)


19. Don’t walk into a restaurant and start telling the staff what they should or shouldn’t do. There’s an appropriate way to offer suggestions if the opportunity presents itself.


20. Don’t tell the staff that you’ve dined in the best restaurants around the world and expect them to be in awe.


21. Be aware and observe what’s going on in the restaurant and imagine what it’s like to be in your server’s shoes. No, it’s ‘not your problem’ that a party of twenty arrived at the exact same time that you did, the computer (POS) is broken, or that the health inspector walked in at 8 o’clock on Saturday night, but try to empathize.


22. Never snap your fingers, whistle like you’re calling a dog, waive your hand in the air like you’re hailing a cab, or yell Hey followed by anything, when you’re trying to get your server’s attention. (Pardon me, or Excuse me, when you have a moment please work really well.)


23. Respect the fact that restaurants have policies for specific reasons, despite the fact that they might not make sense to you.


24. Don’t show off in front of your date or dining companions by trying to upstage the sommelier or server with your worldly knowledge. (You actually might learn something from them.)


25. Don’t expect the staff to create something out of thin air. We’re out of specials means they don’t have any left, and you’re not getting one.


26. Treat the staff with dignity, respect and kindness. You don’t have to kiss ass, but common courtesy is a two-way street. Be friendly, polite and patient. Treat the staff the way that you would want customers to treat you if you were doing their job.


27. Don’t be dramatic and make a big deal out of nothing. Don’t let a small mistake or miscue derail your entire evening. Some things happen that your server has no control over. Be forgiving and help get things back on track. Work with the staff. It’s not life and death.


28. Speak up when something’s not right, and escalate the matter if necessary. Most high-end restaurants will go to great lengths to correct problems and to ensure that you enjoy everything about your meal and experience. Give them a chance to rise to the occasion.


29. Be grateful that you’re out enjoying a nice meal. Life is short and fragile. A lot of people can’t afford to dine out, especially at expensive restaurants.


30. Don’t act as if you are the only customer in the restaurant. Be cognizant of the fact that your service team has other customers who expect the same great service as you.


31. Understand that everything is not going to happen at the precise moment that you want it to.


32. Don’t interrupt a server who is attending to customers at another table.


33. If your kids have a complete meltdown, take your food to go, and get them out of the restaurant, fast.


34. While we’re on the obvious ones, keep your phone on vibrate, speak quietly if you have to take a call at the table, or take your call out of earshot of your fellow diners.


35. Don’t start a sentence with Gimme or Get me.


36. Don’t argue with a bartender who tells you that the bar stools you’re trying to claim are for someone who was waiting before you. Forget telling her that the people who just vacated the stools told you that you could have them.


37. Be reasonable and flexible. Dining out is a fluid, dynamic event involving imperfect human beings and several moving parts.


38. Don’t treat your servers or support staff with disdain as if they are members of a lower caste


39. Never say anything mean-spirited, degrading, condescending or abusive to any of the staff


40. Don’t brag about your income, or anything that is intended to demonstrate your superiority in
front of the staff. Leave your insecurities at the door.


41. Don’t get angry at a barback, busser or food runner who can’t fulfill your request. There are often limitations on what they are authorized to do.


42. Be understanding when there’s a medical emergency, power outage, fire alarm or computer meltdown in the middle of dinner service. Be patient, flexible and supportive. Everyone else is in the same boat. Try to think beyond Me, Myself and I.


43. Respond to your servers questions, and never ignore your server. It’s humiliating to be purposely ignored.


44. Don’t say you’re ready to order, then contemplate forever while your server is anxiously waiting in a packed dining room.


45. Don’t talk loudly about personal things that make the staff and everyone around you uncomfortable.


46. Don’t talk loudly, period.


47. Don’t indignantly tell the staff what they should have on the menu, the wine list or the liquor shelf.


48. Don’t be that customer who isn’t happy until he gets something for free. Sending an entrĂ©e back after you’ve eaten half of it is one of the oldest tricks in the book.


49. Never clap or laugh when a staff member drops something that smashes on the floor. It’s embarrassing enough without you piling on.


50. Lose the I pay you, I own you mentality. Yes, the staff is there to serve you, but not as your indentured servants.


51. Don’t be unyielding and play the I’m the customer card expecting the staff to fulfill unreasonable requests.


52. Ladies- If you’re part of a bridal or baby shower brunch (or any celebration) at a large table that is part of the main dining room, please be aware that your shrill, piercing screams are loathed by the staff and everyone else in the restaurant.


53. Gentlemen- Upscale restaurants are not frat houses. If you want to shout and high-five each other, with no regard for those around you, do it at home.


54. Police your own crowd. If your dining companions exhibit boorish or abusive behavior towards the staff, don’t tolerate it. Be assertive, speak up, and make sure they apologize.


55. Don’t even jokingly threaten your server with a bad on-line review to curry favor.


56. Don’t throw your credit card at your server like you’re playing cards.


57. Don’t leave a shitty tip because you’re from out of town and will, never see these people again.


58. In Pennsylvania, servers make $2.83 an hour, plus tips.  Leaving 10% (or less!) is NOT appropriate for good service.  Guess what?  Next time you come in, you may not get the good service you think you deserve for your lousy $3.  We will remember you.  If you don't want to tip a server, go to McDonald's.

  

59. Don’t anonymously bash a restaurant on-line or anywhere without giving them an opportunity to address a problem or make restitution.


60. Don’t lie, embellish, or omit critical details when you anonymously trash a restaurant on the Internet.


61. Actively seek out servers and staff members who do a great job. Tell them and their bosses how pleased you are before you leave the restaurant.


62. Be as diligent with your compliments as you are with your criticisms. Take a moment to post a positive review, make a phone call, send an e-mail or drop a note to the owner. Exemplary service should be acknowledged and rewarded.


63. According to more than 150 servers who responded to my questionnaire, 19% of customers are impolite, disrespectful or downright rude. Please don’t be one of them. Thank you.