This weekend, my ex-husband is making my youngest daughter meet her stepmother. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for this meeting, because it could go several ways. She could 1) sit in sulky silence at the restaurant of choice, making it VERY uncomfortable for the adults at the table, 2) walk in, punch stepmom square in the mouth (which she has threatened to do) and walk out or 3) be mature and tolerate the event. I doubt very much #3 will happen, but my kid has been known to surprise me.
The reason this all occurring is because 4 years ago, I caught my husband cheating on me with a woman from his office (some of this is mentioned briefly in my first blog entry). After months of begging, pleading, etc. and basically me completely humiliating myself in the hopes of saving my marriage, he chose HER. I didn't handle this well at all. I told my kids I didn't want them EVER to accept her (and I secretly still wish they'd never accept her). Granted, I was loaded at the time (I don't do that any more either)
Fast-forward a year or so. I'm getting used to the idea of not being married any more and that he's with her now. I talked to each of my 3 kids separately and tell them that if they want to meet Pam and even (said through gritted teeth) want to have a relationship with her, I wouldn't be mad at them. Gina and Tim, my 2 older ones were cool with that, but Dani, my youngest, who was 16 at that time was NOT!!! She was the one who had to be here when I was at my lowest and she saw me go through the hell I went through. The other 2 were away at school or living on their own, so they weren't around as much. Dani said, "Wait a minute! I had to sit here, night after night, for how long, watching you crying all the time and now you want me to be FRIENDS with her? All I want to do is punch her in the mouth!"
Fast-forward another year or so, and my ex tells me and the kids that he's getting married... in Las Vegas.... and he wants the kids to be there. He doesn't invite Dani because he knows she won't go. In the end, the kids don't go (Tim had finals and Gina couldn't decide in the short time he gave her) Gina, did, however, want to meet this person who was marrying her father. She talks Tim into going with her and they meet at a restaurant. Apparently this was kept quiet from Dani who FLIPPED OUT when she found out they were doing this! Now, remember.... 3 years have passed and my kids have not met this woman yet! The wedding took place in May 2007.
Some funny stuff (in my mind anyway) that has happened since then.... first time the ex comes to the house to see the kids, he's not wearing his wedding ring. Next time I see him, at Dani's dance recital the next month, he keeps his left hand in his pocket the entire time he's in my company (I guess he thought I'd freak out if I saw the ring... WRONG!!!) I am quite happy without him at this point and had been for quite a while. A wedding ring on his hand is NOT going to send me over the edge! LMAO!
Fast-forward yet another year or so and Dani still has not met her stepmother. My kids see their Dad every Thanksgiving and Christmas at one of his siblings homes, like they did for the past oh, 30 years. And because Dani wants nothing to do with Pam, she (Pam that is) is not in attendance at these family get togethers. For the past 4 years, he has had to choose which one goes to family functions... his child or his fiance/wife.
Now, you have to understand, Dani is very headstrong. If she wanted to meet this woman, my wishes would not keep her from doing this. This is all her decision.
So the ex and I actually sat down with her a couple of months ago and told her she needs to get over this and meet Pam. Because it isn't fair to poor Pammy that she doesn't get to go to family functions. A few weeks ago, I get a phone call from the ex, telling me he told Dani he wants her to meet Pam this Saturday (Dani has had 4 weeks to prepare for this... I KNOW she's completely ignoring it, probably hoping it will go away). And he wants my support. LOL!!!! I said You got it! I always gave Dani the option if she wanted to go to a family function if Pam was there or not go. Greg (the ex) doesn't want me to do that any more because it's giving her permission to not go. The reason I'm supporting him in this effort is I've been with someone for a little more than 2 years now and Dani HATES him and is quite verbal in her hatred. (another time I'll tell you the John story). So my reasoning is, why should John and I get all the abuse from her when Pam is part of the reason why I'm no longer married? (for the record, Dani has dished out some mean abuse to her father too). I really do think it's time Pam take some of this off my shoulders and see what it's like to have Dani in her life.
So, maybe I'll sell tickets to the event and make some money on it!