Update on The Stepmother

Well, there isn't much to tell. Dani behaved herself. But that's not to say that Pam and Greg are off the hook.... not by a long shot! There will come a day, when they least expect it... right when they think she's finally coming around that she will blast them. I've seen it happen. She's done it to John and me on numerous occasions.

Dani basically said she (the stepmother) didn't talk much at all the entire day (they had lunch, saw a bad play, had dinner before dropping Dani off at her car). Greg left them alone for a few minutes and they didn't exchange one single word. The only time she spoke directly to Dani was when they took her shopping for shoes (he ALWAYS takes her shopping) and Pam said, "Oh! they're pretty!" Brilliant converationalist. I can see why he married her.

I, for one, have not met her yet and barely know what she looks like. If I had my way, I'd meet her at Greg's funeral and I just might spit on her then. But they say only the good die young, so I expect Greg to live for a long long time. I will have to meet her and be charming when my older daughter gets married (I swear, Gina! I'll be good!) But that is somewhere down the road.

OH! And after all this rigamarole (another of my mother's words) the stepmother didn't show up for Thanksgiving dinner! The whole point of this meeting was so poor Pammy could go to the family functions as well as Dani. But I got the info from the older daughter that she (stepmother) already made plans to go to her mother's for Thanksgiving. Now... what do you suppose her family thinks that, for the past 4 years, her boyfriend/husband hasn't been with her for Thanksgiving and Christmas because he has to be with his kids, including the one who refuses to meet the stepmother and she's not invited to go??? Does she tell Mommy Dearest that she can't go with her in-laws because her youngest stepdaughter is mad she was fucking the daddy while he was still married??? Oh I'd bet good money she says it's all my fault. I had more here but deleted it.

Good therapy though, writing it all down and getting it out.

My Firsts

I don't know how to tag anyone, so if you feel like answering a few FIRSTS, feel free to copy and paste mine and replace the answers with fun stuff of your own!

My Firsts

Well, I considered myself tagged by Gina at My Inner Monoblog.

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? Kevin Kearney, my steady boyfriend

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Nope. He died in 1990 at the ripe old age of 36.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? beer

4. What was your FIRST job? I guess babysitting Joey and Maria Vangel (those kids are now 43 and 41 lol) My first JOB was at Villa St. Joseph in Darby, PA. It was a nursing home for priests. I served meals in the dining room.

5. What was your FIRST car? a 1975 Chevy Malibu that I inherited from my then husband's grandfather. I got it in 1983 and it had 19,000 miles on it!

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? John Russo :)

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? John. He woke me up shaving and brushing his teeth.

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Sr. Maria Crucius (not sure of the spelling there) this is wrong! she was my spanish 1 teacher in high school! I have no idea who my first grade teacher was! Sr. um.... er.... it was 47 years ago! 2nd grade was Miss Callum though!

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Columbus, GA. I was visiting my sister and her family at Ft. Benning, GA

10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them? Kathy Coughlan! She lived next door and she was a year and a day older than me (we thought that was so cool!) I haven't heard from her in about 30 years or more.

11. What was your FIRST sport played? probably bowling. lol

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over? I can't remember. maybe Janice Hazinsky's house

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? John, when I woke up.

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? My brother, Michael's first wedding, in 1972. I was a bridesmaid.

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Got dressed and drove home

16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? Well, Singer, Melissa Manchester and Comedian, Robert Klein came and performed at my high school once. But my first REAL concert? (now don't laugh) 1990, I was 34 years old, pregnant with Dani and we saw Paul McCartney at the Vet Stadium in Philly.

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing? I pierced my own ears when I was 13, in 1969. I have no tattoos.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to? I went to Germany to vist Peggy and her family while they were stationed there. I changed planes in London first though. So would it be England or Germany?

19. What was your FIRST run in with the law? When I got caught parking with my boyfriend, Kevin. I was 16 and my dad's friend was the cop who caught us. I probably would have lost my virginity that night if he hadn't come around. and THANK GOD HE DIDN'T TELL MY FATHER! I wouldn't be alive today to tell the tale!

20. When was your FIRST detention? probably in high school. We used to miss the bus on purpose and go to 69th street to catch the connecting bus to O'Hara. But we had breakfast at Kresge's first. Got to school just in time for lunch! Well worth the detention!

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? PA.

22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart? Billy Shaw when he dumped me for that slut Mary Downs.

23. Who was your FIRST roommate? at home, it was Anne Marie, Peggy and Jeanne (my sisters) after I left home? My ex-husband Greg.(and to date, my only roommate)

24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride? to Holy Cross Church, my brother, Michael was getting married and I was a bridesmaid.

Maybe I'll Just Sell Tickets

This weekend, my ex-husband is making my youngest daughter meet her stepmother. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for this meeting, because it could go several ways. She could 1) sit in sulky silence at the restaurant of choice, making it VERY uncomfortable for the adults at the table, 2) walk in, punch stepmom square in the mouth (which she has threatened to do) and walk out or 3) be mature and tolerate the event. I doubt very much #3 will happen, but my kid has been known to surprise me.

The reason this all occurring is because 4 years ago, I caught my husband cheating on me with a woman from his office (some of this is mentioned briefly in my first blog entry). After months of begging, pleading, etc. and basically me completely humiliating myself in the hopes of saving my marriage, he chose HER. I didn't handle this well at all. I told my kids I didn't want them EVER to accept her (and I secretly still wish they'd never accept her). Granted, I was loaded at the time (I don't do that any more either)

Fast-forward a year or so. I'm getting used to the idea of not being married any more and that he's with her now. I talked to each of my 3 kids separately and tell them that if they want to meet Pam and even (said through gritted teeth) want to have a relationship with her, I wouldn't be mad at them. Gina and Tim, my 2 older ones were cool with that, but Dani, my youngest, who was 16 at that time was NOT!!! She was the one who had to be here when I was at my lowest and she saw me go through the hell I went through. The other 2 were away at school or living on their own, so they weren't around as much. Dani said, "Wait a minute! I had to sit here, night after night, for how long, watching you crying all the time and now you want me to be FRIENDS with her? All I want to do is punch her in the mouth!"

Fast-forward another year or so, and my ex tells me and the kids that he's getting married... in Las Vegas.... and he wants the kids to be there. He doesn't invite Dani because he knows she won't go. In the end, the kids don't go (Tim had finals and Gina couldn't decide in the short time he gave her) Gina, did, however, want to meet this person who was marrying her father. She talks Tim into going with her and they meet at a restaurant. Apparently this was kept quiet from Dani who FLIPPED OUT when she found out they were doing this! Now, remember.... 3 years have passed and my kids have not met this woman yet! The wedding took place in May 2007.
Some funny stuff (in my mind anyway) that has happened since then.... first time the ex comes to the house to see the kids, he's not wearing his wedding ring. Next time I see him, at Dani's dance recital the next month, he keeps his left hand in his pocket the entire time he's in my company (I guess he thought I'd freak out if I saw the ring... WRONG!!!) I am quite happy without him at this point and had been for quite a while. A wedding ring on his hand is NOT going to send me over the edge! LMAO!

Fast-forward yet another year or so and Dani still has not met her stepmother. My kids see their Dad every Thanksgiving and Christmas at one of his siblings homes, like they did for the past oh, 30 years. And because Dani wants nothing to do with Pam, she (Pam that is) is not in attendance at these family get togethers. For the past 4 years, he has had to choose which one goes to family functions... his child or his fiance/wife.

Now, you have to understand, Dani is very headstrong. If she wanted to meet this woman, my wishes would not keep her from doing this. This is all her decision.

So the ex and I actually sat down with her a couple of months ago and told her she needs to get over this and meet Pam. Because it isn't fair to poor Pammy that she doesn't get to go to family functions. A few weeks ago, I get a phone call from the ex, telling me he told Dani he wants her to meet Pam this Saturday (Dani has had 4 weeks to prepare for this... I KNOW she's completely ignoring it, probably hoping it will go away). And he wants my support. LOL!!!! I said You got it! I always gave Dani the option if she wanted to go to a family function if Pam was there or not go. Greg (the ex) doesn't want me to do that any more because it's giving her permission to not go. The reason I'm supporting him in this effort is I've been with someone for a little more than 2 years now and Dani HATES him and is quite verbal in her hatred. (another time I'll tell you the John story). So my reasoning is, why should John and I get all the abuse from her when Pam is part of the reason why I'm no longer married? (for the record, Dani has dished out some mean abuse to her father too). I really do think it's time Pam take some of this off my shoulders and see what it's like to have Dani in her life.

So, maybe I'll sell tickets to the event and make some money on it!

Cancer Update and Drama Queens

I haven't written in a few days, and tonight I've been busy, reading all about Jim and Garret's adventures (and MISadventures) in an RV through the western US. Boy! Do I wish I could just chuck it all and go galivanting (my mother's word) around the country!!! I am soooo jealous of these guys! http://jimandgarret.blogspot.com/

OK, back to real life. John is now waiting to hear from Abington Hospital about getting a biopsy done on his spleen to find out what these 2 spots are. For the record, Dr. Swaab, his oncologist said they are very small (1.5cm and 2.5cm) and they weren't there 6 months ago. It's also possible that it isn't cancer, but given the fact that John had Lymphoma and one of the places the cancer was evident was right near his spleen, it could be cancer. Hopefully, please God, if it is indeed cancer, they are catching it early. It's also possible, once they get in there , that they might just remove the spleen right way. The spleen is like a sponge that filters your blood and it's a very spongy organ. They might not be able to get a good reading with a biopsy and removal might be necessary. They CAN'T remove the speen laproscopically, because they need to see the entire organ and if they try to remove it laproscopically, it could come out like spleen soup! So he'll need to have open surgery and removed the spleen in one piece. OK, now that everyone has lost their appetites! LOL Hopefully John will hear from Dr. Tey at Abington soon and get this arranged and over with! What I don't want to happen is for them to schedule it for the first week of December! A good part of that week, I'll be in Pittsburgh with Danielle.

Danielle has applied to and been accepted to Indiana University of PA, in Indiana, PA and also Point Park University in Pittsburgh. Her major? Theatre! oh, and English Education. Dani has to audition to get into the musical theatre program. Her sister, Gina did this 6 years earlier, so I'm a pro at waiting, nervously, while my kid sings, dances and acts her way into college, competing with hundreds of other kids wanting the same thing. Gina tried to convince Dani not to do this. The competition is fierce! You have kids who were the best in their high schools, getting the leads to the plays. Now you're in college and all these kids are now having to really compete, for the first time, to get parts in the plays at the college level. Some kids get cast in a lot of things, some get so close but never quite get cast, some, like my daughter Gina, get cast in the musicals, but in the chorus or as the understudy (as a mom, you want to slip ex-lax into the other's girl's coffee so your kid can have the chance to go on and perform!).

Gina was fortunate enough to be cast as Dinah Lord in The Philadelphia Story at De Sales University, in Allentown, PA where she attended college (and got RAVE reviews I might add!).
Here is the review: From the moment that Regina Poletti walks out on the Labuda Center stage at DeSales University, her performance as Dinah Lord lights up Act 1's production of Philip Barry's "The Philadelphia Story." Poletti, who plays the delightfully impish tomboyish younger sister of Main Line heiress Tracy Lord, is just great fun to watch, a troublemaker with a "Capital T." She mugs and sasses and stirs up Barry's 1930s period comedy of Philadelphia Main Line manners as she irreverently stokes the fires of mischief.

She also was cast in a musical revue called The World Goes Round and they also got rave reviews! (review: Christopher Brossman, Jeffrey Dietzler, Angela Pomo, Regina Poletti and Tina Marie Connell speed up the tempo with "Coffee in a Cardboard Cup." AND Poletti and Denise Nelson bring down the house with their put- down of fame in "The Grass is Always Greener.") The article is long so I just put the cool stuff about my kid here. :)

She understudied Buddy in West Side Story and was in the chorus as a Peurto Rican girl. She was also in the chorus for Hello Dolly!, Cabaret and Crazy For You. Partway through her sophomore year in college, Gina nearly changed her major but her advisor talked her out of it. So now I like to tell people my daughter is a Drama Queen (and she really is!) and she has the degree to prove it!

Now she works for a radio station in Wilmington, DE, doing voiceovers for commercial and writing and producing commercials. She also recently got her own radio show that airs on Sundays.

OK, got off on one of my many tangents... back to Dani, my future drama queen. So Dani and I will be travelling to western PA (we live outside of Philadelphia) so she can audition for college and I'd hate it if John is in the hospital that week. I get so nervous while they are doing this audition process!

Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news....

Well, this seems to be doctor appointment week for John. Yesterday he had an appointment with his primary physician. Dr. F wants him to see an endocrinologist about his diabetes. He thinks John has gone from being a type 2 diabetic to a type 1 diabetic, which means his pancreas is longer making insulin. So all those damned pills he's been taking are doing no good whatsoever, and he's probably not getting enough insulin from his injections. Then he got 2 inoculations (1 for pneumonia and 1 for meningitis) This is in preparation for John getting his spleen removed. Which brings us to today's appointment with his oncologist.

This afternoon, John has an appointment with Dr. S, his oncologist. As I think I said in the previous post, his PET scan and CT scan showed 2 spots on John's spleen. We expected this appointment to be all about "Congrats!!! You are still in remission!" But that is not the case. The radiologist who read the scans is fairly sure this is cancer returning and hopefully, it's caught early (since his scans 6 months ago were all negative). Dr. S wants to do a biopsy first, just in case it isn't cancer. So today we find out about all that info.

John was kind of down last week after he got the phone call from Dr. S and went off all his meds for a few days. It's a good thing he keeps his meds in a day/night box so I can easily tell if he skips. He's done this before and I know it's immature of him. But he seems to be getting his fighting spirit back and is back on his meds after only a couple of days. Actually, he could see that his mood was bringing me down as well, and that really bothered him. I'm just glad he's snapped out of it! He needs to be positive and I need to be positive for him.

I just hope if he does need to have the surgery to remove his spleen, the recovery won't be too bad. As John has gotten older, he doesn't handle pain well at all. It's hard to believe this was a career soldier, a self-described "macho man", who saw combat and went infantry when so many others opted for easier duty! LOL !

It was supposed to be remission

We got some bad news the other night. I should preface this with some background info.
My boyfriend, John was diagnosed in June 2007 with Lymphoma and underwent chemo for 6 months. He was declared in remission in April 2008 and we were so happy! A few weeks ago, John had a 6 month PET scan and a CT scan to check to see if the cancer had come back or if he was still in remission. Well, the scans showed that the cancer is indeed, back. It showed 2 small spots on his spleen (he had cancer in his lymph nodes near his spleen, as well as other places in his body, but not ON his spleen and the chemo got rid of it). His oncologist wants his spleen removed, and I believe that is the only course of treatment for this cancer. He has an appointment next Thursday, which was supposed to be a good appointment saying he was still in remission. We'll learn more at that appointment. John was hesitant to undergo the surgery because he's afraid of missing work and having to declare bankruptcy. I reminded him the alternative was to get worse and die and I REALLY don't want that!
The other pain in the ass thing is his insurance. He has Tri-care (or as John likes to call it, try to get care) It's retired military insurance. His doctor is at a hospital in my town because he was at my house when he first got sick and I took him to the hospital, but he has to get all his testing and stuff done at a hospital near his house. We're really hoping the insurance company will allow him to get his surgery at my hospital so his doctor can monitor his recovery better.
So we shall see.