Dear So and So ... the Bitchin' Version

Dear Fall Weather,

I just adore your warm days and cool nights.  I just wish you wouldn't make the house so chilly so early in the season.  After all, it's only October 2.  I really don't want to kick the heat on, especially since I'm still paying for that last oil fill-up in April.

Chillingly,

Joanie

oh wait..... maybe I'm sending this to the wrong "person"...

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Dear House Insulation,

You suck, you know that!!  Here it is, only October 2 and we have a few chilly nights in the 50s.  I really shouldn't need to put my heat on just yet.  Why can't you work better?

Sh-sh-sh-shivering,

Joanie

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Dear TD Bank,
What is your problem??  Is it really so difficult to merge the computers for 2 banks?  You've had months and months to do this.  John's first paycheck in 5 weeks and his military pension check are NOT in the bank as they should be and his rent was due today.  You better fix this little glitch soon, or you're going to lose lots and lots of customers!  I guess I should be glad this isn't my week for an alimony check (ex also uses TD Bank)


Annoyed,
Joan

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Dear Cameron (my grey striped tabby),

What is the deal with you, hopping onto my chair every.  single.  time.  I.  get.  up?  And do you have to leave all that grey hair all over the place.  I have enough grey hair of my own.  I certainly don't need yours too!!  

Tell your brother, Mason to stop shedding all over the place too!

 

Itchy from all the friggin' hair,

Mom

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Dear Mother Nature,

STOP THE STUPID RAIN ALREADY!  We in the Northeastern USA have certainly had our fair share this year.  My basement will never dry out if you don't stop.

Wading,

Joan

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Dear Smirnoff Ice Raspberry Burst,

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  You are, without a doubt, one of the best PMS drugs around.  You have saved me from time in jail, and John from possibly getting seriously hurt on the day he got out of the hospital.

A half a six pack was all I needed to ease off from the murderous tendencies I was experiencing when John was getting all full of himself as we were leaving the hospital.  I thought I'd need the entire 6 pack on Monday night, but 3 did the trick. 

Gratefully,

Joanie (and John... whew!!)

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