Friday, February 26, 2010

Dear So and So: @#$%^&* Snow Edition


Dear Mother Nature,
Thanks for screwing up my plans to get snowed in with John for a few days.  You SAID we were going to get a foot or more of snow, beginning Wednesday night until sometime Friday morning..  I packed my bag, I brought breakfast foods, I high-tailed my arse over to John's (even made sure the cats had food, water, clean litterbox), only to wake up Thursday morning to big wet snowflakes that weren't accumulating anywhere!  I had to get dressed and friggin' go to work!  And I had to drive an hour to get there!!!  

Dear Stupid Assed Mother Nature,
You fickle mean bitch!  NOW you lay all the snow, now that I'm home in my house and John is home at his house??  I'll probably be home all day tomorrow by myself.  I'm not sure if John will attempt to make the trip here to my house after work tomorrow.  You are so ruining my love life!  Knock it the F**k off!

Dear Mother Nature,
If you bring that rumored snowstorm here on March 7 like people are talking about and prevent my kid from making her flight to Oregon to visit her friend for spring break and she's stuck here all pissed and bitching at me, I'm gonna hurt someone.  You're messing with my blood pressure now.

Dear Powerball Lottery,
Please please please let me win one of these days very soon so I can get the F out of Pennsylvania and go someplace warm and tropical before I kill someone.  To be able to get a new roof and carpeting and other fun stuff would be cool too.  If you do this for me, I'll share, I promise!!!

Dear Ex-husband (what's  a Dear So and So if you can't bitch to your ex once in a while), 
I just love when I mentioned that one of the alternatives was for Dani to live with you while she goes to Cosmetology School, you said that would never work.  No shit, Sherlock!  We can't have your own CHILD interfering with your nice little life and nice little house!  I was told it was YOUR idea in the first place, but I think you lied to me (what a surprise... you lying)  What I think REALLY happened was you suggested it to Dani and then, when you mentioned it to Maleficent, she probably said no way in hell!  Guess you haven't grown that set of balls yet.  Another big surprise.  (oh that felt good!)

Not sharing her lottery winnings with you and will still take that alimony, thank you very much,
You first ex-wife

Dear Gina,
I hope you have a really good time in Ireland in May, even if you don't take me with you.  Give Colleen a big hug for me and kiss the Blarney Stone for me.

Dear Max,
I sure hope you come over and shovel this snow for me like you did last week!  I have dollars!!!!
Your neighbor,
Mrs. Poletti

Dear Vancouver,
Thanks for throwing such a great party these past couple of weeks!  I've really enjoyed watching the games each evening!  
Loving the Olympics,

Dear American Athletes,
Congratulations on winning all those medals!!!  It's been a pleasure watching you all perform these past few weeks!!!  Your prowess on the ice and snow is impressive!
A red, white and blue fan,

Dear Readers,
Why not pop over the pond to Kat's Place in the UK, grab the button and get some stuff off your chest?  Trust me, it feels good to release it all!  Don't forget to Link your Dear So and So and lots of others will be able to read them too!  Go on!  You know you want to!

psst!  I have a friend who blogs here... her name is Vodka mom. It's also the name of her blog.  Her blog is one of the funniest I've ever read! Anyway, she was nominated for the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers.  It would be really cool if you could check her out, read some of her stuff and go over to Babble and vote for her!  And you can vote more than once!  As a matter of fact, you can vote once a day!  Last time I checked she was ranked #7!  Simply click here to go to the site.  And check out her blog!  You won't be sorry!!


linlah said...

Stupid weather.

Captain Dumbass said...

Hey, Mother Nature gave us June like weather in the middle of the Winter Olympics. She is a crazy bitch.

Ron said...

You guys are getting HAMMERED! I've never seen anything like it. Stay warm.

Joanie said...

For the record, I was able to make it into work, only to wait on 3 tables and make $13 in tips. I should have just called out!

Joanne said...

Your weather really is sucking - sorry hun. Glad our fair city is throwing a decent party to make up for the crap - and your athletes are RAWKING!!! I want to adopt Shaun White!!!

Unknown said...

$13!?!?!? Ugh!

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

I love your Dear So-and-So letters. Hopefully you and your hunny will be able to get "snowed in" together soon.

Amanda said...

I second the "stupid weather" comment. We're not getting hammered like you are but I am very much over this winter thankyouverymuch. Hope it gets better soon!

Unknown said...

What great Dear So and So letters Joanie!

Left you a little something on my post today.


Kat said...

You did all that for $13? What en effin rip!!

And your ex is a bastard, but you already knew that.

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Boy, that was fun! Thanks! And I TOTALLY get what you're saying about Mother Nature, what a fickle shrew!! She hasn't been listening to ME, either!!

Amy said...

I love it when you do Dear So and So. Particularly enjoyed the note to the ex this time around. LOL!

Unknown said...

I'm a bit late commenting - but these are great. That snowstorm was the weirdest thing.... it's raining here tonight.