Spin Cycle: Holiday Newsletter I know... ho hum

Jen over at Sprite's Keeper has this really cool gig every Friday called Spin Cycle.  She gives us a topic and we tell a favorite story on the subject.  This week is the Holiday Newsletter.  I think I've had a rather busy year, so here goes!

I started off the year with a cold that turned into bronchitis.  When I get a cold, it hangs on for weeks and weeks.  I think I coughed until June.

My kid went to Oregon to visit her friend between Christmas and the New Year.  When I picked her up from the airport, I didn't recognize her.  While she was in Oregon, she cut her hair, dyed it red and got her lip pierced.  She was standing right beside me and I had no idea it was her!  Sheesh!

We found out that John's cancer (Lymphoma) came back and he had surgery to remove his spleen.  He came through the surgery really well.

February was fairly uneventful.

March brought Round 2 of my cold/bronchitis.  And my dryer broke (it's still broken... I'm hoping to be able to get a new one after Christmas).

April and it's Round 3 of bronchitis. THIS was the one that lasted until June!  My doctor and I are practically on a first name basis at this point.

April also brought the death of the great Harry Kalas, the voice of the Philadelphia Phillies for 38 years.  He is sorely missed.

In April, Dani was in her last high school play.  Her school was performing Into The Woods and she played Little Red Riding Hood.  It was a great show and of course, she was fabulous! 


April also brought a diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes.  Great.

May arrived and we got some bad news... John's cancer came back, this time in his groin.  This was the 2nd relapse.  His doctor's decide it might be a good idea to do something radical.  We decided to do a high dose of chemo (R-ICE) to kill off the cancer and destroy his immune system and a stem cell transplant to basically give him a whole new immune system (Lymphoma is cancer of the immune system... it's a blood cancer)  Fortunately his bone marrow is still good and they were able to use John's own stem cells.  Testing got started but it'll be months before they actually do the transplant.

June and it's Dani's graduation from high school and the beginning of me getting my life back!!  Woo hoo!!!!

I realized that in 2 short months, I'll be able to come and go as I please for the first time in 25 years and that I'll have an empty nest.  Life is good.

John also got his first round of chemo in June.  It was a 3 day hospital stay and he handled the chemo really well!  The worst side effect seemed to be a loss of appetite (as well and a loss of hair after 3 weeks  LOL), but he did have fatigue that lasted for a few days.

July and it was Part 2 of John's chemo treatments.  It actually took 2 days to get John admitted to the hospital.  they were that busy!  He was in the hospital for 4 days and the chemo went very much like the month before.

After the 2nd round of chemo, John had a pherysis catheter implanted in his chest and on the same day, they harvested his stem cells for transplant.  They told him he needed to come in every morning for 3 to 5 days for the  harvest.  That night, he got a call from the hospital.  They needed 4 million stem cells for his transplant and he gave them 18 million on his first day!!  YAHOO!!!  John is Superman!

August.  Dani left for college (4+ hours each way) and I made the trip in 1 day.  We left at 7:30am for Indiana, PA, in the pouring rain, made decent time.  We unload all her stuff, get her room set up, sort of.  I couldn't afford to get a hotel room, so I had to drive back to Pottstown the same day.  I got home at 10:30 pm and I was completely exhausted!!!  I think it took several days to get over that trip!

BUT  I'm free!!  I'm free!!!  I have my life back!

August also brought the last round of chemo for John, this one a very very high dose that's considered dangerous.  As always, he handled it like a trooper.  He got 5 days of chemo, almost around the clock.  Then, after a day of rest, John got his stem cell transplant and his new life began!!  August 28 is John's new birthday!  They told him he would be in the hospital for about 4 weeks, then home for who knows how many weeks to recuperate.

September arrived.  As part of the transplant, John needed to have a couple of transfusions.  This is normal.  They  kept a close watch on John's blood count numbers. After transplant, his white cell, red cell and ANC numbers were ZERO!   He got daily shots of something called Neupogen to build up his red blood cells.  They watched his ANC (absolute neutrophil count) closely.  On day 8 after transplant, his ANC was 5.  Day 9 it was 50.  On day 10 it was 3050!!!  Simply amazing!  Did I mention he's Superman? 

Two days later, they sent John home, a mere 12 days after transplant!!  The record is 11 days and John is the star patient right now!  He recuperated at my house for 2 weeks and returned to work on September 21, which also happened to be my 54th birthday! 

John had a small setback when he developed a fever out of nowhere and landed his ass back in the hospital for 4 days or so.  This sometimes happens with cancer patients.  We took him to Abington Hospital (it was closer to his apartment) but if it happens again, he's going to Penn where his doctors are.

I was thinking October was a boring uneventful month.  Then I remembered the phone call I got from VISA and it was discovered that someone had stolen my credit card info and wiped out my checking account.  I thought it was some internet scam, with a guy in Indonesia on a computer watching my account.  I just so happened to deposit a sizable check from my ex-husband the day before the theft.  This was nothing so intriguing.  It turned out that the shop across the hall from where I work hired a gal who's whole career was scamming people.  I bought a Vera Bradley wristlet for my work wallet and she stole my numbers and shopped until they told her there was no more money left.  She got caught because she's not really that clever.  She's in jail and I got all my money back (the arrest actually happened in November)

October was also John's 57th birthday on the 23rd!  Happy Birthday!

And that brings us to November (are you asleep yet?)  So you know about the arrest and all.  I have to go to court this Thursday to testify. 

November also brought a road trip for my daughter, Gina and I as we traveled to Indiana, PA to see Dani in her first college play!  Dani did great, playing a dead girl, in a morgue who had committed suicide and the morgue guy happens to be a necrophiliac!  So so so proud of my little girl!!!

Thanksgiving and my kid was home for a week and my house was trashed again.  But she went back to school on Sunday and I'll have a clean house again!!

So that's my year in review.  Good Lord, I can sure go on and on and on!

Black Friday

(this cartoon is for you, Alix)

Today was Black Friday.  Technically it's still black Friday, but I'm home, nice and cozy in my warm house, with my shoes off, a diet coke at hand and the remnants of a turkey sandwich nearby.  I'm not going ANYWHERE!

My daughter, Dani works in an outlet mall, at a clothing store.  She was scheduled to work midnight to 9 am this morning.  She left for work with 40 minutes to spare.  Dani knew she needed extra time to find a parking spot.  Well, that kid drove around and around (and this is a HUGE outlet mall!) looking for a place to park.  She had to call work to tell them she was there but couldn't find a parking spot.  They told her to keep trying.  She drove around for over an hour!!!  NO spots!!  Dani finally drove home, got a friend to drive her back in to work,  it was after 1:30 am.    They asked Dani to work until 10 instead of 9, which was good because it made up for the time she lost in the middle of the night.  By morning, the craziness had eased off, and I was able to find a spot near her store and wait for her (thank goodness for audio books!  got one finished!).  A few minutes past 10 she came out.

The traffic, in the middle of the night, for the outlet mall was backed up for about 10 miles on a major highway! (Matty and Martha, this was the outlets in Sanatoga, just off 422.  I heard 422 was backed up to Oaks!)

As we were driving home, a fellow from work calls me and asks if I'm coming to work today.  "Of course I am, Greg!  Do you need a ride?"  I ask him.  He says, "No, but you're supposed to be here at 10 this morning."  OOPS!!!  So I had to get moving and go in as soon as I dropped Dani off at home.  It turned out OK in the end.  The ones who were in at 9 am didn't get tables until after 10:30 and I got one at 11, so it was all good.  Once we got past 11 am (when we normally open), it was busy all day.  I made very good tips all day (my last table gave me $20 on a $53 check!  I wish ALL my tables were that generous today!)

I did run across the hall before leaving today and I bought my daughter a pair of yoga pants she was looking at.  I RARELY go into the mall when I'm working.  I come in from the parking lot straight into our store and I leave the same way!

Riddle Me This

DARK AND SILENT

Dark and silent he awaits.

His mouths are open wide.

He never hunts.  He never walks.

He never tries to hide.

When food arrives, he doesn't blink;

His stomach glows like fire.

He then throws up what he just ate.

Now auburn in attire.

as always, credit goes to Tower Of The Riddle Master

 

the time we ate Thanksgiving dinner at 8 pm

This story takes place on Thanksgiving Day about 15 years ago (give or take year). I was still married, as were the couple in this story.

My ex has been in the food business for nearly 40 years, since he was a teenager. he went from busboy to cook to waiter to restaurant manager to restaurant owner to food service director at various nursing homes and assisted living facilities. The man knows his way around the kitchen.

This particular Thanksgiving, Greg's brother was hosting the family dinner. They were expecting approximately 20 people for dinner. Greg offered to come over early and give them a hand. This was something he often did. He could make sure everything got finished on time and generally got the food on the table hot.

The plan was that dinner would be served at 4 pm. We arrived around 1:30 pm. We walk into the kitchen (which was tiny tiny tiny!), and what do we see? The TURKEY, sitting on the kitchen sink RAW!!!! And nothing else has been started either. No stuffing, no potatoes peeled, nothing. We just look in shock! Greg asks, "WHY is the turkey not in the oven??" "OH! We were waiting for you!" UH-oh!

Greg told them the turkey should have been put in the oven at 8 am and it will never be finished on time! So Greg gets moving. He cuts the turkey up, breasts, thighs, legs, wings. While he's doing that, I think I was cutting up veggies for the stuffing and trying to get that ready. He gets a roasting pan, and puts all the stuffing in the roasting pan, then places the pieces of turkey on top of the stuffing, covers with foil and gets it in the oven.  (By the way, this is a good tip if you have a really big turkey or even 2 turkeys to cook.  They fit side by side in the oven)

I'm not sure what his brother and sister-in-law were doing, if they were helping or in the other room, watching the football game. I honestly can't remember. I like to think they were a least lending a hand.

I don't think we actually ate at 8 pm, but it might have been 6 pm, a good 2 hours past the scheduled time. We probably had a lot of hors d'oevres to serve in the meantime. I think it was a long time before they offered to host a Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner again.

Things you can only say at Thanksgivng time (parental discretion adviced)

Things you can only say at Thanksgiving TIME:

1. Talk about nice big breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist and warm.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst.

5. Wow, that's one awesome spread!

6. I'm in the mood to try some dark meat!

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn. There's plenty for everybody.

10. Stop playing with your meat!

11. Did you think you could handle all those people at once?

12. Just spread the legs apart and stuff it in.

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little on your lip..

15. How long does it take after you stick it in?

16. You know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I never knew I could handle so much!

18. That's absolutely the biggest one I've ever seen!

19. How long should I beat this before it's ready?

20. That's gives a whole new meaning to the sandwich concept!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! !!!

word verification

I really don't like word verifications or when you have to sign in with your name, email and blog address. BUT I'm starting to get a LOT of spam and it's all about viagra, so I think I might have to start. I know a lot of you don't like that stuff and I hope I don't lose readers because of it.

Glad I wasn't at THIS Thanksgiving feast!

This is a story that was told to me quite a few years ago.  My ex-brother-in-law told us this tale about his aunt, many years ago.

Bryan's aunt was hosting Thanksgiving dinner.  All the relatives were there.  Everyone was having a good time.  Lots of food and drink on the table.  They all enjoyed the great spread.

Some hours later, one by one, the relatives started to feel sick.  Then they started to  "lose their lunch".  Since it was a holiday weekend, the doctors' offices were closed, so they each went to the hospital.  

It took a while to get the facts, but it turned out that Auntie served a fresh turkey.  She bought it live and had to kill it and remove the feathers and other fun stuff before she could cook it.  

Now the way to kill a turkey is to wring it's neck.  Auntie didn't have the heart to do this, so she poisoned the bird !!!  She had no idea the poison would still be in the bird, and she ended up poisoning her entire family!  

Luckily, everyone recovered, but you can be damn sure Auntie wasn't allowed to cook any more holiday meals!!!

What I did on my day off

Today is my day off.  My plan for today was to be lazy... very lazy.  I had my coffee.  I had my computer.  I think I'm still winding down from my trip to Indiana, PA to visit my daughter at her college.  Work, that awful, terrible 4 letter word was NOT part of my agenda.  

I was sitting here, catching up on my blog reading when I heard a noise.  It sounded like a lawn mower.  And it sounded like it was right outside my window.  I get up and look and what do I see??  I see this....

This is my neighbor, Denise.  She's a great gal, but she LOVES to work outside.  She shows up at my house, usually when I'm not at home and does yard work.  In my yard.  Because she wants to.  The woman is nuts!

So I feel guilty.  I put some shoes on, grab my never-used gardening gloves ( have I mentioned that I hate hate hate gardening and yard work?).  Denise is now raking the bazillion leaves that are in my front yard.  This picture below is actually my side yard (I didn't think to grab my camera until we were nearly finished.).  Picture this times 5.  That's how many leaves I had in my yard that needed to be raked.

 

I made a quick run to the grocery store for lawn and leaf bags because we only had a few.  We raked and bagged and raked and bagged and raked and bagged.  THIRTY-ONE bags later, we're finished!!!

My back hurts, my legs hurt, my hands hurt.  I'm gonna jump in a very very hot shower and use up all the hot water.  Then John is going to take me out to dinner and alcohol will be involved.  But my yard looks good!

Next week?  Maybe the side and/or back yard will get done!

This was fun!

I read this on my good friend, Ginger Patrick's Facebook page and thought I'd swipe it. It's my day off and frankly, I don't feel like thinking.

1. REAL NAME:

Joan Marie Mack

2. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names)

Marie Francis

3. NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)

John Michael (sounds more like a hairstylist!)

4. STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)

Macjo

5. DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)

Green Tiger

6. SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)

Marie Clifton

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)

The Red Margarita

8. FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)

Jock (oh! cool!)

9. STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)

Cherry Vanilla Oatmeal

10. SKANK NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up )

Lizzie Austin

11. GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of last name plus 'izzle" on the last)

Macizzle

13. IRAQI NAME:(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name then last three letters of your last name)

Ocmaanack

14. GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets.)

Black Mason

15. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)

Intuition Payday

How to get to heaven from Ireland

From a teacher...

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked  them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my  money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

'NO!' the  children answered. 

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed  the garden,
and kept everything tidy, would that get me into  heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'NO!' By now I was starting to  smile.

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the  children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?

Again, they all answered 'NO!'. I was just bursting with pride  for them.
 
I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven?'

A six  year-old boy shouted out: " YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD...."

"It's a curious  race, the Irish."

Indulge me. I love my soldiers.

 

 

When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard......

to listen to his son whine about being bored.  

....to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.  

            to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work.  

...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep.

..to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.  

....to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower.  


..to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.  


....to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to  
 send their kids off to summer camp.  


....to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.  


....to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.    


....to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.  


.....to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.    


.....to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.  


....to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house.

The only thing harder than being a Soldier...  

 
Is loving one.  

What a creepy daughter I have! (I'm so proud)

We got home from our road trip to my kid's college to see my youngest kid in her first college play.  May I say that she was awesome?  And that she completely creeped me out?

This was a series of  4 one-act plays, written, directed and performed all by students.  I feel they were shown in order of how good they were.  The first was a "musical" and I use that term loosely.  The fellow who played the school principal (he was also the psychiatrist in Dani's play) was good and his voice was great!  The play was not good at all.  One girl kept coming out of character and giggling (She was supposed to be a stone-faced emo girl ... sigh... hello!  You're supposed to be depressed and angry!!!  Even I know that and I'm old!)  This play was very NOT funny.

The second play was about Jesus and the 2 thieves on the cross, as seen by the perspective of two fellows who were watching the crucifixions.  I didn't really "get" it too well.  Difficult to find the point other than one was very upset by this and couldn't understand why no one was stopping it.  And one of the fellows was played by a girl.  I didn't get it.

The third play had 3 characters.  A hangman, his wife and another person who played all the other minor part.  It was well-acted but not really very well written.  The hangman's wife brings lunch for her husband and she leaves her son at home, alone, in his crib.  An old uncle next door is supposed to be nearby to watch him. While she's gone, someone kills the child with the tools from the hangman's shop and the wife is blamed for the death because she left him alone.  It's the hangman's responsibility to hang his wife for the crime. 

Wow!  I just realized how dark these kids are!

Then it was time for Dani's play.  She didn't have a big part, but it was important.  It was about a necrophiliac (yup, that's what I said) who is in a mental hospital and has to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.  The necrophiliac (who was also one of the actors in the crucifixion play) is an embalmer in a funeral home (the perfect job for him!) and he, of course, gets caught.  He's telling the story, and there is a flash-back scene.  Dani plays a girl who has committed suicide and is in the mortuary awaiting to be embalmed.  (you see where this going, don't you?  THAT'S why her dad was NOT allowed to come to the play!)  She's wheeled out on a gurney and is covered by a sheet.  She's wearing a flesh-toned body suit under the sheet because she's supposed to be naked.  In the scene, Dani sits straight up on the gurney and oh so slowly turns her head towards the embalmer.  (the sheet is attached to her and kind of hangs on her.)  She's wearing white contacts and she looks completely creepy!!!!  She gets off the gurney and slowly walks to the guy.  At the last minute, before they did their first performance, they decided to record Dani's lines and she never speaks during the play.  Her voice comes out softly and kind of echo-y, so it seems like she's in his head.  She gets back on the gurney and the guy comes over and lays on top of her and kisses her (this is where her father would have completely come undone and would have totally embarrassed her!)  At one point, later on, you find out the psychiatrist had a daughter who died at the age of 17 and guess who did the work on her??  He loses his mind and beats the crap out of the necro guy.  Shrink ends up in the looney bin, the necro guy gets out on a technicality, changes his name and gets a job at another mortuary.   As creepy as it is, it was a very good play!  (Come on!  Who here saw Sweeney Todd and loved  it?  "It's priest!  Have a little priest!  Is it really good?  Sir, it's too good, at least.")  Same weird, creepy concept.

Anyhoo, the trip was pretty good, 4 hours up, but I drove 7 hours on Saturday.  We left the house at 9 am.  It was 4 hours to the college, drop Dani's friend off, visit for a bit, drive to the hotel (1 hour away... it was FREE!  I'll stay an hour from the school because it's free!).  Check in, go eat, drive back to the college, see the plays, hug the kid, tell her she was great, drive back to the hotel, in bed by 1 am, watching Criminal Minds until I fall asleep).  

A good thing was Dani drove her friend to the hotel in the morning, so I didn't have to drive back up there and down again.  Saved me 2 hours today.  So it was 3 1/2 hours home (4 really because we stopped to eat, 30 minute break).  I wanted to go to John's after Gina left but I was falling asleep in my chair!  The last hour of the drive was a struggle, so I decided to stay home.

Gina got an audio book from the library.  It was 8 hours.  We listened to Big Bad Wolf by James Patterson.  It was really good!  We had to listen to the last hour at the house because we were an hour closer to home on the trip back.  I was falling asleep in my chair, listening to the ending!  Now I want to read all the Alex Cross books in order! 

Half-boy, Half-man

I received this as an email and wish I had gotten it in time for Veteran's Day.  This one is near and dear to my heart because I have 3 brothers, a brother-in-law, a nephew and a niece and my significant other who are all veterans of the Army and Marines.  Four of them are/were career Military.    Since I'll be traveling on Saturday and Sunday, I scheduled this to appear while I'm away.   

1/2 boy 1/2 man

The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's, but he has never collected unemployment either.





He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.

He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and a 155mm howitzer.

He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.

He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional.

He can march until he is told to stop, or stop until he is told to march.

He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity.

He is self-sufficient.

He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry.

He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.

If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.

He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands.

He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.



He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay, and still find ironic humor in it all.

He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime.

He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed..



He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away ' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. (John will stand at attention during the National Anthem, even if we're watching a game on TV)

In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.

Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.






He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.

Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.

And now we even have women over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls them to do so.

Dear So and So

Dear Nor'easter,

Please be so kind as to stay on the coast, as I am driving to Indiana, Pennsylvania on Saturday morning to see my kid in her first college play.  The trip is long enough without having to add torrential rains to the mix. And while we're at it.... lay off the snow  while I'm driving though the mountains. 

Joan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Bratface,

Break a leg as we see you perform in your first college play!  I'm so proud of you!   But you don't have to be THAT good at your role, because... um.... well... you'll be playing a slut and you'll be dead.

Love you!

Mutti

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ex-husband,

Grudgingly, thanks for getting us the hotel room for free when we go see Dani in her play.  I don't even care that the hotel is an hour from the college.. it's FREE!!   I do feel special though, because Dani won't let you see the play but she's letting me!  

Gloating,

Your Ex

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Hospital that didn't do the transplant,

Why won't you use the catheter that John has in his chest to inject the radioactive stuff do the PET scan?  It's so much easier than trying to use his veins which don't cooperate.  Even I know how to use the catheter and I'm not a nurse!  If they can draw blood, harvest stem cells, do chemotherapy, and infuse stem cells with it, you can use it for the stupid PET scan!  Bunch of wimps.  Now he has to drive all the way into the city to get it and lose another day's pay.

Annoyed,

"Mrs. Russo"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear CSI, CSI Miami and CSI New York,

Good job on the trilogy this week!  I like how you merged all 3 shows into one storyline!  What I'm NOT happy about is getting rid of Adam Rodriguez who played Eric Delko on CSI Miami.  That dude is HOT!!  You do get points for Eddie Cibrian though.

A CSI Fan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear VodkaMom,

Thanks so much for the Vampire's Assistant stuff!!  I gave the backpack to my boss's 9 year old son who loved it!  My kid will certainly get use of the petite tee shirt.  I'll get to the book when I get though the 50 books I have in my armoir, waiting to be read.  The $50 gift card, however I kept for ME!!!   John and I go to the movies often and will get to enjoy at least 2 movies (maybe more if they think we're senior citizens) .

Thrilled,

Joanie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Police,

Thanks for finding the bitch whole stole my credit card numbers and used it to empty my checking account.  I'm glad she's in jail and I'm also glad you'll be shipping her off to Michigan to face even more charges there!

Relieved,

Server who's identity was stolen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Bitch who stole my credit card,

I hope you rot.

Satisfied,

Me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Readers,

If you enjoy these Dear So and So's on Fridays, try your own hand at one!  Pop on over to Kat's place, grab her button and put it on your blog!  Put your name on Mr. Linky and you'll be linked right up!  C'mon!  You know you want to!

AARP... at it's best

Questions and Answers From AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?

 A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible.  Is that true? Where can it be  found? 

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:  "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to  Egypt ."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly: wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with  short term memory storage?  

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep More soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter  antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

She's Going Down!!!

I got a phone call today, from a local police detective.  He wanted to know if I had charges on my credit card that I didn't make.  It turns out a salesgirl from the gift shop across the hall from the restaurant I work, took the numbers off my card when I was buying a wallet a few weeks ago.  She was the one who stole my identity and spent $2200 of my hard-earned alimony and car insurance money to buy cell phones and electronics and stuff for her pets.  

The detective had no idea of all this and he came to me in a very round about way.   This gal got a job at the gift shop just a few weeks before.  She told them a sob story about not being able to buy food and the abusive boyfriend she wanted to get away from.  They gave her a job.  Three weeks later, they fired her because she was such a screw up.   They had no idea about me when they fired her.

Apparently, this gal was wanted by the local police.  When they called her, the number she had listed as her home number was the gift shop she had been working at.  So, they went to the gift shop and found out she had been fired.  they asked the owner if any merchandise was missing.  The owner said they thought she stole a watch but they weren't sure what, if anything, else was taken.  Then they asked if they had any issues with credit cards.  As far as they knew, there was no problem with credit card fraud.

So the local police went to her apartment and she was there and they arrested her.  In questioning her, they asked if she stole any credit cards while she was working.  She admitted yes, just one.  She couldn't remember the name but it was a waitress at the Fridays across the hall from the gift shop.  So the police call the restaurant and ask my boss if he knew of any of his staff who had a credit card stolen.  "Funny you should ask!"  and he gave them my name and phone number.

The detective called me and I told him that several weeks ago, my identity had been stolen and someone got my debit card numbers and wiped out my checking account in a matter of 1 hour.  I told him that it was all internet sales and I gave him the names of some of the purchases.  he said, "Yup!  That's our girl!"

I tell you, the adrenaline was a  pumpin' in my body!!!  I got sooo excited that they actually caught the bitch who stole my money and they had her in custody!!!  I went straight down to the police station with my paper work from the bank, listing all the fraudulent charges. 

The detective told me she was wanted in Montgomery County (where I live), Chester County (where I work) and Bucks County.  She's also wanted in Michigan and as soon as we're finished with her, she's being shipped off to Michigan to face charges there.  I was also told she has been arrested in 6 other states!

So that has been my exciting day!  Whew!  Now I need a nap!