A great gift for the wife???

My brother sent me this story via email. It's not his story, he's only re-telling the tale.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short-lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . .WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

ah...... massage!!!!

My good friend, Tina is a massage therapist. I was getting full body massages every other week for about a year. Then it was getting hard to get the money together and I stopped. I miss my massages terribly! I felt sooo much better when I was getting massages on a regular basis. If I could afford it, I'd get one every week.

Tina's massages are so good, I'd sometimes doze off towards the end of the hour. Tina does her massage in bare feet. Her toes are always manicured and polished nicely and she even has a tattoo of a star on top of one foot so you'd have something nice to look at (not the 5 pointed star but one that sort of looks like this * but prettier)

One afternoon, I was getting a massage. I was face down on the table, with my face in the hole. And something occurred to me, so I asked her, "Tina? Does anyone ever drool on your foot?" Hahahaha She was sooo grossed out by that! She said no, but ya know what? The next time I got a massage, Tina was wearing socks. I don't think she trusts me not to drool on her.

Waxing Woes

Hallie, that wonderfully funny Maine-iac blogger at The Wonderful World of Weiners has posted a hilariously funny (if not a bit graphic) story on her blog today. For the record, Hallie is NOT the author of the story! She is only re-telling it. The story reminded me of one I read some time ago about waxing. I swear these 2 people are related! Here's the story.... and go to Hallie's blog and read her post (titled OH MY GOD!) and decide for yourself if you think these 2 folks share a gene pool.

One Woman's Tale of Woe

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, ! you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough ! to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but! it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works! It really works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Girls' Night Out

Last night was my Girls' Night Out with my friend, Kathy. Kathy and I are like Mutt and Jeff. She is about 5' 10" and I'm 5' maybe. We met years ago when our boys were in 1st grade together. They're now 21 year old men (oh God! It's hard to wrap my brain around that!), well, Tim will be next month. Anyway, I used to like Kathy a lot more, when she was a big girl. But her doctor told her 2 years ago that her liver was so fatty, if she didn't cut out the fat, she'd need a liver transplant and that woke her up. Now that bitch is 75 lbs lighter, she looks 15 years younger and I'm still round. (glad she doesn't read my blog! LOL)

We try to get together once in a while for dinner and a movie, sometimes at my house and sometimes out. Last night we met at Max and Erma's for dinner and then we went across the parking lot to Regal theater and saw He's Just Not That Into You.

Dinner was good. I had a Chocopeppermintini and she got rum and coke. Then we shared a quesadilla and each had a dinner salad. Good food, good service, nice waitress. I think I'd have liked that drink more if it didn't have the peppermint.

So off we go to the movie and it was a funny, true-to-form look at the lives of young (ish) men and women, looking for (or avoiding) love. Lots of "names" in this movie. Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly, Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johansson, a few faces I know but the names escape me (You know... the guys who are in a lot of stuff but you can never remember their names... doesn't matter as long as they're working, right?) The movie is somewhat predictable and that's ok. It's a chick flick. I'm not going to say anything specific about the movie. Don't want to ruin anything if y'all want to see it. I did like the movie a lot! It was very entertaining!

Speaking of chick flicks, there were a few guys in the theater and I had to laugh, thinking, do they know what they're getting into? Are they here in the hopes of getting laid later because they sat through this movie? Trying to impress a new date maybe? The fellow in front of us, as the credits were rolling, kept asking his movie companion, "Can't we go now?" LOL He was a good sport, I guess.

I don't ever ask John to go to these movies with me. That's what girlfriends are for. He goes to the Hobby Shop on Friday nights to play Dungeons and Dragons and I do the chick flick thing. This is good because he'd LOVE for me to go to the Hobby Shop with him and play D & D, but uh... no. BORING!!!!!! I'd rather have root canal.

There are some movies that could be considered chick flicks that he likes, but they are older movies, like Roman Holiday and An Affair to Remember.

He's very lucky that I like action, adventure, sci-fi, espionage, war movies. Last year, we went to see the newest Rambo movie (4? 5?). The story itself was ok, I guess, but it was so graphically violent (i.e. a guy got shot and his head exploded.... much like graphic novels or mature-rated video games). Halfway through the movie, I leaned over and whispered, "You owe me 2 chick flicks." He chuckled and he knew there was no way he was getting out of this one! So a few weeks later, I made him watch Must Love Dogs and Under The Tuscan Sun. (I love Diane Lane!) He thought they were ok, but it's gonna be while before I can get him to watch another one any time soon!

Some other movies I saw recently that I thought were very good were Taken with Liam Neeson, Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood (he does grouchy old man soooo well!!). We have plans to see The International soon and there's a lot of good stuff coming out (Harry Potter, Star Trek, Transformers, X-Men) did I mention I really like the movies based on comic books? and any John Wayne movie? a secret guilty pleasure is any Elvis Presley movie too. LOL

So what movies have you seen lately? want to see? hated? Inquiring minds want to know!

Peep, Peep! Peep, Peep! and a give-away!

Ladies and Gentlemen! It is that time of year again! The time of year that makes my heart sing. Not tax time. Not St. Patrick's Day. Not Lent. But you're getting close!! Since Easter is just around the corner, it means it is time for PEEPS!! Yes! Those wonderful, marshmallowy, dyed sugary treats, full of goodness and not a lick of fat! I'm talking abut Peeps Chicks, Peeps Bunnies in an array of Eastery colors..... pink, yellow, blue, lavender, white and now I've even seen orange. I was at the grocery store today and they were calling my name! I discovered green bunnies, chocolate mousse bunnies, and the chicks in all colors. Forget chocolate... gimme some Peeps and I'm a happy happy girl!

And I think I've died and gone to heaven! The Just Born Company that makes Peeps is a mere 30 minutes from my house!!! Right around the corner where my daughter went to college! Peeps is located in Bethlehem, PA, just outside of Allentown. This might be more exciting than the Crayola Factory in Easton, PA!

Over the years, Peeps has expanded from Easter goodness to Valentine's Day, Halloween and Christmas, but you can get the most Peeps at Easter time! This is when I get the most enjoyment out of my Peeps. And I personally like to let my peeps sit outside the box for a day to get a little stale. They are quite tasty that way! Of course, soft and squishy is good too.

And I even discovered some cool

It would take over 172 million Peeps bunnies end-to-end to circle the moon.

Just Born produces enough PEEPS® Brand Marshmallow Candies in one year to circle the Earth twice.

Over 70 million Peeps chicks lined up beak to tail are needed to reach from New York City to Los Angeles.

Each Peeps candy has only 32 calories and 0 grams of fat.

In the early 50s, it took 27 hours to make 1 Peep Chick. Today, it takes six minutes.

PEEPS® has been the #1 non-chocolate Easter candy in the U.S. for more than a decade.

PEEPS® chicks for Easter come in 6 festive colors--yellow, pink, lavender, blue,
green, and red.

Yellow is America’s best selling color of PEEPS® chicks and bunnies.

Everyone can now enjoy Sugar-Free PEEPS® that are sweetened with “Splenda®”.

All PEEPS® Brand Marshmallow Candies have 0 fat grams, are gluten free, and
are nut free.

PEEPS® Branded products have made celebrity appearances with the likes of Diane Sawyer, Emeril Lagasse, Ellen DeGeneres, and Reba McEntire.

People like to do curious things with PEEPS® ….eat them fresh or aged to
perfection, microwave them, freeze them, roast them, and even cook with them!

PEEPS® are “Always in Season!”™ Just Born manufactures seasonal PEEPS® shapes for Valentine's Day, Easter, Halloween, & Christmas.

Ah! I'm getting on a sugar high just thinking about my Peeps!

Hey everyone! Amy at The 4th Frog Blog gave me a great idea! I'm going to turn this into a Just Born Easter Candy give-away! Tell me why you love Peeps or if you've never tried Peeps, how much you want to enjoy Peeps candy! I'll keep it open for the weekend and choose a winner on Sunday night. Good luck!

** Note: I checked out the website and discovered that Peeps are not Kosher (for those of you who follow a Kosher diet). Just sayin'. **

I HATE MY BANK

I am so angry and frustrated right now, I can't stand it. On Saturday, my ex-husband and my daughter deposited my support check in my bank account so I could get some bills paid. It was a sizable check and should cover a lot of my expenses this month. Well, because it was a Saturday, "a convenience day" and Monday was a holiday, the check wasn't counted as deposited until yesterday (Tuesday) and the money wasn't available until this morning. I didn't know this. And I used my check card. I went to the grocery store last night and attempted to purchase $125 in groceries and my card was rejected. I was shocked because I KNEW there was over $800 in my account! So this morning I called the bank to find out why and she told me about the money not really being available until today... and then informed me there was LOTS of overage charges! Approximately $500 worth of overage charges!!!! You know, it's funny (not really) that the deposit isn't available over the weekend but the charges get counted immediately, even if it's a Sunday or a holiday. That money was supposed to pay the electric bill, the cell phone bill, couple of credit cards. I can't afford for my bank to be playing these games with me. The bank lady is supposed to call me back and I sure hope she gets rid of those overage charges. I think I need to ask my ex to go back to direct deposit. At least then, when the money is deposited, it's available right away.

Premios Dardo Award!

Queen Bee, that cute little student teacher from Penn State who works in VodkaMom's classroom, has tagged me. So I'm going to answer some questions, change one, add one and see what happens. Then I'll tag some people to do the same and as a reward, you get this nifty smoking typewriter picture to add to your homepage! So here goes!

This is how it goes...

Step 1: respond and rework -- answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: tag - eight other un-tagged people

1) What are you wearing right now?

I'm wearing my work clothes, even though it's after 11:30 and I've been home for hours and hours. I'm wearing black pants, and my red and black TGI Fridays shirt and a green Ocean City, MD zip-up hoodie.

2) What is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is probably dying and leaving my kids.

3) Do you nap a lot?

No, because if I fall asleep too late in the day, I'm up all night. Then I'm exhausted the next day.

4) Who is the last person you hugged?

John Russo, last night (well, Sunday night. I wrote this on Mnday night before bed), when I was getting ready to drive home.

5) What websites to you visit when you go online?

this blogging site, Facebook, pogo.com to play games, my bank's website.

6) What was the last item you bought?

Two books at borders yesterday. The Memory of Water by Karen White and Freefall by Kristen Heitzmann.

7) If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Several places. These are all on my wish list: Alaska, Ireland, Greece, Hawaii and Australia. All these places are very different and they all look so amazing!

8) If you woke up tomorrow and were a boy, what is the first thing you would do and why?

Most likely the 3 Ss (shit, shower and shave)

9) Has a celebrity's hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle?

Not since Dorothy Hamell ice skated into everyone's hearts and had that terrific haircut!

10) What is your most embarrassing moment?

I used to be a Tupperware lady. I was doing a party on a Sunday and I was wearing this really cute White outfit trimmed in green. I didn't know I had gotten my period and it was super heavy and I bled all down the back of it. (sorry guys for the graphic stuff)

11) What was the last movie you watched?

On Sunday at the theater, we saw Gran Torino. At home, we saw Roman Holiday.

12) If you had a whole day to yourself with no work, commitments, or interruptions what would you do?

read a book, play online (I'm an addict), eat.

13) If you were to win the Powerball, what would you do with the money (besides invest it)?

The first thing I'd do is pay off all my siblings mortgages, then my kids' student loans and give them money to each buy a home. I promised my younger daughter a bitchin' car! Then I'd take my kids on a fabulous vacation and they could each bring a friend along! Then I'd take John to all the places we talked about going to see. (see question #7)

OK, now I have to tag some folks and they can get this cool smoking typewriter picture!

Gina at MyInnerMonoblog

Maureen at Penny, the Baby Girl

Amy at The 4th Frog blog

Liz at Eternal Lizdom

You know, you'd think I'd read my own typing. I did't realize until I read Liz's blog that i was supposed to give this to EIGHT people, not FOUR! Duh! So, in order to keep with the program, I'm adding these 4 folks who's stuff I love to read!

Alix at Casa Hice

Psuedo at Pseudonymous High School Teacher

Janie at Sounding Forth

Heather at mouthy irish woman? ridiculous!

It's really very difficult to choose!

I'm getting nervous

I'm getting nervous because my boy, my only son is going to be 21 years old in 1 short month.... and he's away at school... and his birthday is on St. Patrick's Day. The only thing worse than that would be if he went to school in Boston or if he was going to school at the University of Notre Dame.


He was such a little cutie.. all 9 lbs. 8 oz. of him. When he was born, via C-section (no way in hell was THAT big head coming out my body in the normal fashion!) Hey! I'm not being mean about his big head! When he was born the nurse said, "Wow! Look how big his head is!" It's just the way it was! He was having a bit of a breathing issue, so they wanted to put him in Neo-natal ICU. So there he was, my Timothy Gabriel, all 9 lbs. 8 oz. of him, beside the 3 lb premies. The kid looked like a moose next to those teeny babies! He was the talk of the nursery! (Wow! I wonder what's wrong with THAT baby! He's HUGE!)

Five years later, he went to Kindergarten. Tim has always been a bit of a dreamer. He was the kid looking longingly out the window on a nice day and totally missing what the teacher was asking him to do. sigh. Mrs. Dudek thought he wasn't ready for first grade and wanted me to keep him back in Kindergarten... BECAUSE HE COULDN'T SKIP! Um... Sue? I didn't teach him how to skip... he's a boy. I didn't think it was a requirement to continue his education.

So Tim continued on to grade school at the Catholic school in our town (the Kindergarten was also in the Catholic school). He did OK, sometimes getting honors, sometimes not. I told the teachers, don't put him near the window or you'll lose him. Don't let him sit near Max or Andrew, they're his buddies.
Then came the summer of 7th grade. I'm at work at the restaurant that my then-husband and I owned (the hubby had gotten a job to pay the bills at home because owning a restaurant is oh-so-not profitable). My older daughter called..... Tim got arrested with 2 of his buddies, Max and Joe. I freaked out.... Greg thought it was hysterical. The boys had gone to Kmart and bought sling shots and paint balls and were shooting paint balls at cars. Personally I think the idiot at Kmart who sold 13 year old boys paint balls and sling shots should have gotten his ass arrested.

They all had to go to "Teen Court", where you have teen attorneys, a teen jury and a real district justice. Now Joe and Max are big boys. And Tim was a little shrimp of a kid. The 3 boys all had to testify, as well as the parents. Max treated it like a big joke, Joe answered in mono-syllabic answers. Neither one made a very good impression. Tim got up and the entire court went AW!! And I just knew they were thinking "poor little kid, getting dragged into this mess with these 2 big bad boys." No one knew that Tim was the oldest and no one asked the right question... whose idea was this to buy sling shots and paint balls. (It was Tim's!!! but no one asked!) He was just too cute to be the ring leader! So the boys had to do some community service, which meant they had to serve on the teen jury for a couple of months (they met once a week) and write letters of apology to the lady who's car they hit. (the paint was water-based and washed right off).

So Tim graduated from 8th grade, all 4 ft. 11 inches of him. He started high school at a whopping 5'2". He did OK, not great... sometimes getting honors, sometimes not. He joined stage crew at the high school and built sets and worked the lights. He started his junior year at 6'2" tall and maybe 140 lbs.!! He went from being the shortest kid in class to one of the tallest and certainly one of the skinniest! He got his Dad's genes for sure! At 16 he got a job with me at Fridays (I told him while we're at work, I'm not your Mom. If you screw up, you're on your own) I didn't want any special favors for him. He stayed almost 2 years and got a job elsewhere where he could make more money.

In August of 2006, he went away to college, 90 minutes from home. Now when we took my daughter to college in 2002, it took 2 cars, 2 trips to get all her shit in her dorm (she was only 40 minutes from home). When Tim left for school, we got everything in my Pontiac vibe plus Danielle was able to go along for the ride! It took us 20 minutes to get everything into his dorm. LOL We got him settled, bought his books, settled his tuition bill. I asked him if he wanted to get something to eat. He said, "No Mom. I think you should go now. I want to make some new friends." So with a hug and wave, he was off, starting his college career with no looking back!

So now he's in his 3rd year of college, pulling a 3.85 GPA (he had a 4.0 his sophomore year!), in a Fraternity, working as a waiter, partying his ass off and being very independent! And he's picking up another major for next year! So the only hurdle now is having him turn 21 and not end up in jail or the hospital. OH! We have a rule now, since the paint ball incident. If he ever gets in trouble, he is to call his father to bail his sorry ass out of jail. His Dad will find the humor in it. I will just freak out.

I Love You Because...

OK, guys... this ones going to be sappy, so you can leave now before you start to gag and hurl.

Are they gone? Ok then.....

I won't be around until Sunday evening because I am spending Saturday night and all of Sunday with my sweetheart, John. I'll be home sometime Sunday night. I have to be a cheap date this weekend because John is mucho broke since he missed 3 weeks of work due to his surgery. So it's pizza delivered and old movies on the DVD player. And that's fine with me! So with that being said, I love John because....

* you think I'm the best thing to come along since sliced bread.

* we are so much alike it's scary.

* we like all the same things... cherry pie, Star Wars movies, John Wayne, the list goes on and on.

* even after nearly 3 years, you can still make my heart beat faster just by walking in the room.

* you once showed up at my job with a dozen roses for no reason because you wanted everyone to know how you felt about me.

* you hold my hand in public all the time.

* you never let me walk on the street side of the sidewalk, just in case.

* you don't care when I don't shave my legs.

* when I had my cancer scare, you took me to the hospital for my surgery and stayed with me the whole time.

* you cried when I said I wouldn't bail on you when you found out you had cancer.

* because you tell me all the time how much you love me.

* you'll rub my back through an entire movie if I lean forward.

* you don't care that I gained some weight from stress.

* you want to get married yesterday.

* you aren't freaked out that I don't want to get married right now, or maybe never.

* you understand why.

* you treat me with respect always.

* you like my kids.... well 2 of them anyway. :)

* you served our country with honor for 20 years.

* you cry at movies.

* you open my car door for me, always.

* you put gas in my car. (that was huge when gas was $4.25 a gallon!)

* you don't fall asleep after, well... you know. ;)

* you make me feel like I'm 20 again.

OK, I could go on and on and on. They say love is sweeter the second time around, and I truly believe that now. I wish I had met this man 30-some years ago. I really believe we'd still be together today.

That's all. I'm finished. The others can come back in now.

Shopping while hungry

I needed to run to the grocery store to get stuff to make Chicken Caesar Salads for dinner. I'm kinda short on cash because I'm getting $$ together to get our phones turned back on (found out we can receive calls! just can't make them or send and receive texts).

It was 4 pm, and I hadn't eaten since breakfast (yogurt and toast and coffee). My plan was to get Purdue already cooked chicken and romaine lettuce. I bought:

Purdue Chicken Shortcuts (because I'm lazy)
Romaine lettuce (bagged because I'm lazy)
Seasoned Croutons (because well, you know)
12 pack of Diet Coke with Lime (for me)
Hawaiian Punch (gallon) (for Dani)
6 pack of Deer Park water (for Dani's lunch)
Rye bread (for toast)
pound of Land O Lakes butter (for the rye bread, toasted)
southwest ranch dip (because yum!)
mini pretzels (to dip in the SW ranch dip)
M &Ms Premium Raspberry Almond candies (they're so-so, very not worth $3.99)

My bill? $37.58. My plan was to spend $10, tops. Sigh. Never go shopping when you're hungry.
At this rate, we'll NEVER get our phones turned back on!

OH! and the grocery stores are SOOOOOO mean!!! As soon as you walk in the store..... EASTER CANDY GALORE!!!! and the aisle directly ahead of it... VALENTINE'S DAY CANDY!!
I half expected to go around another corner and find Halloween candy.