Friday, June 18, 2010

Dear So and So

Dear Gardens,
I hate you!  Stop growing!  I hate that your former owner made you bigger and bigger each year and that asshat left and now I'm stuck with you. (maybe I sent this to the wrong person.)

No green thumb here,

Dear Dani,
Good luck telling Dad he's going to be a grandfather.  If that doesn't tell him he's getting older, nothing will (although, the gray hair, bi-focals and ever expanding bald spot should be a clue)!

Excited to become a grandmother,
Future Mimi

Dear Carbs,
Get the fuck out of my house!  You're killing my weight loss program!  You keep calling me softly when no one is around.  I can't keep losing the same 2 pounds over and over again.

Caving to carb pressure,

Dear Self,
Get your lazy fat ass out of bed and over to the track and start walking.  You'll never run if you don't start walking. 

Hates to exercise,

Dear Gina,
Good luck with your wedding plans.  I hope Dad doesn't have a stroke when he sees how much weddings cost.  Oh wait....  (well, I could afford to have the wedding she wants... AND pay off her student loans if he croaks)

Just kidding, God,

Dear Readers,
Why not pop over the pond to Kat's Place in the UK, grab the button and get some stuff off your chest?  Trust me, it feels good to release it all!  Don't forget to Link your Dear So and So and lots of others will be able to read them too!  Go on!  You know you want to!


Garret of Jim and Garret said...

As usual, a great so and so. My favorite is "Dear Carbs". LOL.

slommler said...

HA! Carb screamers will get you every time. Good luck!!
I hate exercise too...but I have been walking 2 miles every day now...I am proud of myself. You can do it can!!
Being a grandmother is the best ever!! You will love it!

Joanie M said...

OK, I was only joking about wanting my ex's demise. Ah well... at least I didn't get any hate mail.

For the record, he took the news of his impending grandfatherhood (See Garret? You aren't the only one who can coin new words) pretty well. I haven't talked to Dani yet. she messaged me from Carrabas where she was having dinner with her dad and Maleficent and probably ordering everything in sight. The girl's appetite is voracious!!

And he wasn't pissed at me for knowing for 3 weeks and not telling. As a matter of fact, he said he was proud of me!

He still didn't get the prices for the wedding. :)

Captain Dumbass said...

If you can get through to your Self, can you get her to give mine a call?

Amy said...

LOL! Does your ex read this blog? I'd love to see his face.

Heather said...

Dear Self..cracked me up! I've been having the same argument with myself for some time now!