Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Spin Cycle: Dating: Breaking all the rules
OK, Garret, this is a repeat, just to warn you. :)
I had to learn to be single again. After being married for 23 years and together with my ex for 27 years, I found myself suddenly single. It was NOT a journey I was ready, willing or able to take! I was married for so long, I didn't know how to be single!
Where in the hell does a nearly 50 year old woman go to meet men her age?
I re-joined a bowling league after not bowling for nearly 10 years. I joined a mixed league. I sucked at bowling. I used to be a fairly decent bowler. My average on my return was 110 and it never got any better. The good guys in the league were all married and their wives were also on the league (not that I'd go after a married guy! hell, that's why I'm not married any more. someone didn't care about marital status) The unmarried guys were either too young, too old or just not for me. I stuck it out for the remainder to the year but didn't go back.
NOW what do I do?
I'd been playing with match.com and yahoo personals and basically finding married guys who want to have sex with any female who isn't their wife.
Or the scammers who are widowed (wife always dies tragically in a car crash) with a young teenage son, and has a great job... only right now he's in West Africa. sigh. I found tons of them.
Then I fell onto a site call True Beginnings. I don't even know how I found it. Free for 3 days. I was on there for about 3 months, I think. I got my weekly list of 12 or so guys who fit my criteria. I was always way too insecure to make any first moves!
Then one night, I get an email from a prospect. He tells me "Thanks for the wink." uh. wink? I didn't send anyone a wink. So, for fun, I check him out. Raised catholic, one of 7 kids, retired Army, 2 boys, 1 girl, lives in my county, getting divorced. Not looking for a relationship, just wants to have fun. He's the opposite of me!
So I reply to the email. Um, I didn't send you a wink, but Hi! We email back and forth for a few weeks. We try to get in a private chat room to talk, but we can't get it working.
So, he says here's my HOME PHONE NUMBER! Call me! Home phone number is HUGE! Home phone number means he most likely really is getting divorced! So after a few days of being nervous, I call him. We talk on the phone for 3+ hours! He has so many stories! He seems really interesting. We do the phone thing for a few weeks, each time tying up the line for 1.5+ hrs each time.
After a couple of weeks of this, we decide to meet. I tell him, this is where I work. You can come in and if you don't like what you see, you can leave and I'll never know you were there. So, one Saturday, the hostess says, "Joan, you had a request." I go to the table, and it's him! He looks a lot like his photo. He orders a drink and a snack and I sit and chat when I can.
He asks me out for dinner and a movie, that night. Ok, but I need to go home and get changed.
This is where I break all the rules. I allowed him to follow me home. Then, I go upstairs and take a shower! As I get in the shower, I'm thinking, JOAN! WTF is wrong with you?? I'm quick about getting ready. I go back downstairs and there he is, right where I left him! A gentleman! I breathe a big sigh of relief.
So we decide that I'll drive since I know the area. Dinner at Red Lobster and a afterwards, a movie (The Night Talker with Robin Williams). At the movies, he holds my hand. I like this.
We go back to my house and again, I invite him in because it's still fairly early. We watch (ok, we sort of watched) V For Vendetta. He kissed me. ZING!! I don't know if it's because it's been a while since a man kissed me but WOW!! I'm really liking this!
That night, except for when my teenager came in and completely freaked out, we ended up talking until nearly 4 am.
We've been together ever since. August 5 will be 3 years. I thought I wanted to just meet someone and get married again because that's what I knew. Now? I'm in no hurry. I don't want to lose my spousal support (aka alimony... I earned it! just the 6 years I worked for my ex for no pay alone qualifies). Also, if I wait until after I turn 60 (which is less than a year after the support runs out) I'll still get the ex's social security which is twice what I'd get for mine.
So this arrangement is working fine, except I wish we lived closer. If I had to do anything over again, I'd have not invited John to my house for several months. I'd have kept him and my teenager apart for a while. Who know? Maybe she wouldn't hate him so much if I had done that? Nah.
Hey! Want to join in the fun? Why not check out Sprite's Keeper for details. Jen gives us a topic each Friday and we have a week to spin a tale about whatever she wants to talk about! She posts links to everyone's spin on Friday so you can read what other people have to say!