PARASAILING WAS FUN!!!

I WONDER WHAT'S NEXT? ZIP LINING MAYBE???



Monday, January 18, 2010

How To Give A Cat A Pill

How to Give a Cat A Pill







1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently  apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.   As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.  Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.   Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,  holding rear paws tightly with left hand.    Force jaws  open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.   Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of the
wardrobe.   Call spouse from garden. 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.    Ignore low growls  emitted by cat.    Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.







7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.    
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.    Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.







9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.    Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.    Get another pill.  Open another beer    Place cat in cupboard,  and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.    Force mouth open with dessert spoon.    Flick pill  down throat with elastic band. 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.    Drink beer.    Fetch bottle of  scotch.    Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to  cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.   Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.    Toss back another shot.    Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from  across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.    Take last pill  from foil wrap. 

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed.    Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.    Be rough about it.    Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints  of water down throat to wash pill down.








14. Consume remainder of scotch.    Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.    Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 

15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.
 

2. Toss it in the air.


25 comments:

Garret of Jim and Garret said...

I tried tossing my dog into the air. He didn't like that.

Not The Rockefellers said...

I hope I never have to do this!

Peace ~ Rene

Alix said...

You know, besides being hilarious the cat/dog pill administration information is 100% accurate!

Two words for anyone faced with the cat business: pill popper.

Clark Kent's Lunchbox said...

Oh this is making me laugh so hard... probably because I know exactly what you're talking about.

Middle Aged Woman said...

This is freakin' hilarious. When my daughter was little, she was convinced that cats were girls and dogs were boys. I think she may have been right.

Joanie M said...

Crap! Lost the pictures that went with the post!

CaJoh said...

My wife always lets me give the dog a pill. I should suggest the method you had so that I don't have to.

Brian Miller said...

lol. my cat would kill me...

slipped her a sleeping pill when we moved once, only it did not knock her out, only drunk and loud.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

This was hilarious. I worked in a vet clinic for several years when I was young and you nailed it.

Mellodee said...

It would be funnier if it weren't so true!!! lol

This is only one of the 7,384 reasons I only have dogs!!

linlah said...

Wrap in bacon, toss in air and beg for more.

Joanne said...

OMG I volunteered to take care of my friend's senior cat on the weekend. Thank goodness she didn't need me and then seeing this - YIKES!!!!

No wonder I am a dog person.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I can't see the photos, but this is SO TRUE!! I had to give my cat antibiotics for a week last year for a sinus infection. Such fun...

Ice Queen said...

I think I just wet myself! I was thinking to myself, "Wow, the dog takes his pill in a slice of cheese".

Matty said...

How true this is. We tried giving a pill to one of our cats and it was a fiasco, complete with scratched arms.

Joanie said...

LOL. Same thing with my dog. I tried everything from wrapping the pills with his fav treats to holding him like a baby. For some reason, he kind of knows that I'm putting something in his mouth that he will not like.

For his monthly heartworm medicine, it takes me and my husband to give it to him. I hold and my husband would opens the dogs mouth and shob the pills in his mouth.

bernthis said...

I was already at number 15 when I got to number 7

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Ha! And you are SO not kidding about the dog.

Captain Dumbass said...

Cats are evil.

Heather said...

Way too funny!! I can't stop laughing! You are hilarious!

Gaston Studio said...

ROFLMAO funny!!!

One of my daughter's cats (who is no longer with us) was born with a heart murmer so she had to give him daily pills for years. He knew every trick in the book and every time she moved house, there would be pills under all the furniture she never moved to vacuum! It's a wonder he lived to be 14!!

jennygirltherat said...

ITS ALL TRUE. Even the vet was scared of our cat. The cat's head was so big that the cat muzzle wouldn't fit.
My husband is a cat-whisperer, because he somehow developed a technique for giving Eric pills.

Martha in PA said...

Very funny! I found pill pockets at the vet, luckily all my pets love them. Wrap the pill in the treat and done!

Funny after Princess had her surgery, she took all her meds with no problem in the pill pocket. After 2 days, she refused the pill pocket with the pain meds, but would still eat the other meds. A few days later (I think one day before the prescription was done) she refused that one too - almost like she knew she didn't need the drugs anymore! Silly dog!

Brianna Popsickle said...

Hilarious. Cats are crazy, but you gotta love them!

The Retired One said...

Hhaaaaaahahaaaa bwahhhaaaaaaaa...that was hilarious. I had to send it on to my daughter who has two cats and they are her children.....
THAT is exactly what I like about cats...they have a mind of their own and attitude to match!!!!