I am the survivor of a divorce I never saw coming. I was, I thought, happily married for 23 years. We were going to grow old together. But I was so wrong. Looking back, I can now see all the signs that things weren't going well. He criticized my driving, if I didn't do laundry often enough, small things that I ignored. This could become very very long but here is a synopsis.
I discovered my husband of 23 years was having an affair with a woman in his office. She lived 5 minutes from the office so they would go there for "lunch", thus leaving him available to come home at night for dinner. He started staying in NJ one night a week to get all his NJ accounts done in 2 days times. (we lived in PA... I still do) I helped him... I bought the things he needed for his shaving kit.
I didn't discover anything until December 5, 2004. When I found her phone number and confronted him, which he denied. Later that weekend, I checked it again (you know that nagging feeling that something's not right?) and found he changed her name to a man's name. He changed it again but I found that one too. The man was too stupid not to leave his cell phone where I could get my hands on it. I told him I'd have all her info in a matter of days. I did. Inside 24 hours, I had her name, address, phone number and directions to her house. She's lucky I didn't get her SS#.
I did everything I could to save my marriage. I even took the blame for his cheating. It took me the better part of a year of therapy to realize that I wasn't at fault.
Anyway, he finally left on Jan 24, 2005, to "live with his brother, Ken, to figure all this out." I later learned he had been living with "her" just about from the beginning. Greg had no intention of trying to save our marriage. But I honestly thought he'd "come to his senses" and come home. I found out on Easter Sunday 2005 that they were together (he was coming home every other weekend but sleeping on the sofa... a BIG problem for me). That day nearly killed me.
In order for me to get into that bed every night, by myself, I started drinking... a lot. Every night, for about 3 months, I'd drink a magnum bottle of wine or 1/2 a fifth of rum and get drunk enough to go to sleep. I have no idea how I was able to go to work or function at all. I nearly lost my job because every time I saw a couple in their 40s or 50s holding hands I'd start to cry and have to get sent home (I'm a waitress). Thank God my boss had been through this himself and was VERY understanding. I was so completely devastated by all this that I honestly thought I would die without this man in my life! (how stupid is THAT?) My brother told me that this would be the hardest thing I'd ever go through, and he's right. This was harder than my parents' dying. It actually would have been easier to cope had my husband died.
I'd find myself doing things like driving down the highway in our town at 80MPH thinking, "if I got into an accident, he'd realize he still loves me and come home." THANK GOD I never had an accident! See? I was doing stupid things.
After about 3 months, I FINALLY realized that I was slowly killing myself and stopped drinking altogether for a year or more. (I can have a glass of wine or a drink or 2 now and I'm fine). After a while, I realized that I was laughing sometimes and having a good time with friends or co-workers. I was finally coming out of the terrible depression I was in!
It took 3 years of therapy, 2 years of anti-depressants and meeting a terrific man who I met about 2 years after my separation and today I'm great!!!
And Greg? He married that slut and when their marriage breaks up, I'm throwing a party! I always hoped he'd realize the error of his ways and beg me to let him come home... just so I can tell him to go F himself. He travels a lot for his job. I'm so tempted to call her up and ask her, "When Greg is away in VT on business, who do you think he's sleeping with?" But I don't. I just hope it nags at her mind though.
So what keeps me fighting is I make sure John knows every single day that I love him, and he tells me. It's something that I didn't hear for the last 20 years of my marriage. And I make sure I mean it each and every time I say it or show it.